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I'm a terrible musician. While the band members are great, I'm tolerated and affectionately regarded because I do movies, but if I had to make my living as a musician I would starve. I'm like a Sunday tennis player.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Movies
Starve
Player
Regarded
Living
Sunday
Great
Tennis
Make
Musician
Would
Members
Like
Band
Affectionately
Terrible
Tolerated
More quotes by Woody Allen
If 90% of success in life is showing up, the other 10% depends on what you're showing up for.
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His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
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She had been critical of his new torch song, A Side Order of Heartache, Please, suggesting it could be used as a good way to break in their new paper shredder.
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What a world. It could be so wonderful if it wasn't for certain people.
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God, you Jews are truly exotic. Exotic? She should only know the Greenblatts. Or Mr. and Mrs. Milton Sharpstein, my father's friends. Or for that matter, my cousin Tovah. Exotic? I mean, they're nice, but hardly exotic with their endless bickering over the best way to combat indigestion or how far back to sit from the television set.
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How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?
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You make films whether they're dramas or comedies about neurotic people. Flawed people. Interesting personality traits. To make them about calm, stable untroubled people isn't interesting.
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Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the meal seriously.
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One of the interesting things is, the most gifted people, the biggest people, have no problem taking small roles.
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Life is horrible, but it is not relentlessly black from wire to wire. You can sit down and hear a Mozart symphony, or you can watch the Marx Brothers, and this will give you a pleasant escape for a while. And that is about the best that you can do.
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The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.
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The true test of maturity is not how old a person is but how he reacts to awakening in the mid-town area in his shorts.
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I don't own a computer. I've never seen anything online at all - nothing. I don't own a word processor. I have none of that stuff. It's not an act of rebellion. I'm just not a gadget person.
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What is it about death that bothers me? Probably the hours.
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In a relationship, it is better to be the leaver than the leavee.
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In the event of war, I'm a hostage.
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I don't like theatrical actors and actresses. I like people that talk like real human beings.
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Once munching has begun, Schopenhauer held, the human will cannot resist further munching, and the result is a universe with crumbs over everything.
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