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I cannot say for certain that God does not exist I think the worst thing that can be said about him is that he's a bit of an underachiever.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Thinking
Bits
Worst
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Cannot
Certain
Doe
Thing
Superstitions
Think
Exist

More quotes by Woody Allen

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I'm not a drinker, my body won't tolerate...eh...spirits, really. I had two martinis New Years Eve and I tried to hi-jack an elevator and fly it to Cuba.
Woody Allen
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No one ever wants the whole script. I give the whole script to people who require the whole script but to those people who don't require the whole script I don't give it to them and no one cares. They're relieved not to have to read extra pages that they're not in.
Woody Allen
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With me it's just a genetic dissatisfaction with everything.
Woody Allen
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I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go down and meet them with baseball bats. (On the KKK)
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It's hard for me to know. I'll think, 'I really brought off my ideas, it's great,' and no one sparks to it
Woody Allen
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Regarding love what can you say? It's not the quantity of your sexual relations that counts. It's the quality. On the other hand if the quantity drops below once every eight months, I would definitely look into it.
Woody Allen
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I like filming in New York a lot myself, but London is accommodating to me the weather's very good there and the conditions for shooting and the financial conditions, the artistic conditions are good, so it's a pleasant place to shoot.
Woody Allen
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Don't think of death as an ending. Think of it as a really effective way of cutting down your expenses.
Woody Allen
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People are always talking about the dumbing down of the country.
Woody Allen
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One man starving puts a crimp in my evening.
Woody Allen
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I've always had an easy time directing actors because I always hire ones that are great before I get my hands on them.
Woody Allen
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Geez, I should stop ruining my life searching for answers I'm never gonna get, and just enjoy it while it lasts.
Woody Allen
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Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.
Woody Allen
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I think Hollywood has gone in a disastrous path. It's terrible. The years of cinema that were great were the '30s, '40s, not so much the '50s...but then the foreign films took over and it was a great age of cinema as American directors were influenced by them and that fueled the '50s and '60s and '70s.
Woody Allen
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Don't worry, I know almost exactly what I'm doing.
Woody Allen
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I prefer to achieve immortality by not dying.
Woody Allen
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I loathed every day and regret every moment I spent in a school.
Woody Allen
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Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.
Woody Allen
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What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?
Woody Allen
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I hate the beach. I hate the sun. I'm pale and I'm redheaded. I don't tan - I stroke!
Woody Allen