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My grandfather had a wonderful funeral... On the buffet table there was a replica of the deceased in potato salad.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Grandfather
Replica
Table
Deceased
Tables
Buffets
Cooking
Potato
Food
Salad
Wonderful
Potatoes
Culinary
Funeral
Buffet
More quotes by Woody Allen
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
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I've been escaping my whole life. Since I was a little child, I escaped into the movies on the other side as an audience member. I escaped by going into the movies and sitting in the movies all day long.
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Yes, but the difference is that when you're dead and somebody yells, 'Everybody up, it's morning,' it's very hard to find your slippers.
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The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have.
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I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in braille. I used to rub the dirty parts.
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I feel humor is important for those two reasons: that it is a little bit of refreshment like music, and that women have told me over the years that it is very, very important to them.
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The movie is usually, for me, something organic that grows all the time. I sit home and write it, and I'm in an isolated, four-walled environment, and I don't know what's going on. I just write it, and it's appearing in my head in some idealized way where every single moment works, and every little thing is perfect, because it's in my head.
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The artist can't give you an answer that's satisfying to the dreadful reality of your existence. So the best you can do is maybe entertain people and refresh them for an hour-and-a-half.
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If you aren't failing, you aren't trying.
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I've always believed that thoughtful people don't really take the tabloids seriously. They're basically a form of entertainment. I enjoy them as much as the next New Yorker.
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Eternity is really long, especially near the end.
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One of the wonderful things about making a film of any genre is that you have dialogue. You can take up a position. If you want to say something about your position, you can just say it. You don't have to spend massive amounts of screen time.
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The prettiest women are almost always the most boring, and that is why some people feel there is no God.
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The last woman I was in was the Statue of Liberty.
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Real software engineers don't debug programs, they verify correctness. This process doesn't necessarily involve execution of anything on a computer, except perhaps a Correctness Verification Aid package. Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.
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The Jewish culture - people that are Jewish have a certain cultural habit that they've formed and one of those habits is an appreciation of theater and music - these are cultural things one does associate with values that are promulgated by Jewish families. I think that's a good thing.
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Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the meal seriously.
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A stockbroker is someone who invests other people's money until it is all gone.
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I loathed every day and regret every day I spent in school. I like to be taught to read and write and add and then be left alone.
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I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
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