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I don't believe in God. Just try getting a plumber on the weekend.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Spirituality
Getting
Trying
Believe
Plumber
Weekend
More quotes by Woody Allen
In short, the best thing to do is behave in a manner befitting one's age. If you are sixteen or under, try not to go bald.
Woody Allen
My relationship with American audiences is the exact same as it always has been. They never came to see my films, and they don't come now.
Woody Allen
God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.
Woody Allen
A wife lasts only for the length of the marriage, but an ex-wife is there for the rest of your life.
Woody Allen
In 1940 I was just turning 5 years old and being taken to the movies. For those of us who were not old enough to understand the horror of war it was a very romantic era because these guys were kissing their wives and girlfriends goodbye and going off to fight and become heroes.
Woody Allen
I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
Woody Allen
My grandfather had a wonderful funeral... On the buffet table there was a replica of the deceased in potato salad.
Woody Allen
Is there a separation between body and mind, and if so which is it better to have?
Woody Allen
Magic has always been of a great interest of mine. I was an amateur magician when I was young. I used to practice and read up on it a lot. I'm well-aware of the history of magic.
Woody Allen
I have one last request. Don't use embalming fluid on me I want to be stuffed with crab meat.
Woody Allen
I'm twelve years old. I run into a synagogue. I ask the rabbi the meaning of life. He tells me the meaning of life but he tells it to me in Hebrew. I don't understand Hebrew. Then he wants to charge me $600 for Hebrew lessons.
Woody Allen
I've often felt that life is a hard deal and it's unrelentingly tragic and an uphill fight.
Woody Allen
Nietzsche says that we will live the same life, over and over again. God - I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again.
Woody Allen
Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.
Woody Allen
I can't minimize the terror factor. As you get older you get more and more frightened because the terrible indignities of old age become closer to you.
Woody Allen
I never thought I was doing anyone a favour by bringing children into the world. With people as cruel to each other as they are, it's a terrible proposition. The best of lives are sad and tragic. The best of them. My general conclusion is that it's not a nice thing to do. The world doesn't need it. The kid doesn't need it.
Woody Allen
I cannot say for certain that God does not exist I think the worst thing that can be said about him is that he's a bit of an underachiever.
Woody Allen
Is world peace possible or is the human race too innately aggressive? For instance: Have you ever seen women at a sample sale?
Woody Allen
When a film is reviled, you open a film and people say Oh, it's the stupidest thing, it's the worst movie. You think: oh, nobody's going to ever speak to you again. But, it doesn't happen. Nobody cares. You know, they read it and they say Oh, they hated your film. You care, at the time. But they don't. Nobody else cares.
Woody Allen
The true test of maturity is not how old a person is but how he reacts to awakening in the mid-town area in his shorts.
Woody Allen
