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I don't believe in God. Just try getting a plumber on the weekend.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Plumber
Weekend
Spirituality
Getting
Trying
Believe
More quotes by Woody Allen
Psychoanalyses is like music lessons, for 5 years you do not notice any progress and suddenly you can play the piano.
Woody Allen
Some people are funny, and some people are not funny. Many people who are not funny can make a living at it. You don't have to be great to make a living at it. Just like a doctor who doesn't have to be great can still make a living out of it.
Woody Allen
None of the arts are any good unless you really are great at them.
Woody Allen
Life is hard for insects. And don't think mice are having any fun either.
Woody Allen
Talent is luck. The important thing in life is courage.
Woody Allen
I never considered myself an artist. I aspire to be an artist, but I never thought I had the depth or substance or gift to be an artist. I do think I have some talent, but it doesn't go as far as being an artist.
Woody Allen
I don't get depressed I grow a tumor instead.
Woody Allen
I write about what I want to write about, and so the film comes out as a very personal expression even if its subject matter is totally prefabricated.
Woody Allen
People always ask me, Do you ever think you'll wake up one morning and not be funny? That thought would never occur to me--it's an odd thought and not realistic. Because funny and me are not separate. We're one.
Woody Allen
In perpetrating a revolution, there are two requirements: someone or something to revolt against and someone to actually show up and do the revolting. Dress is usually casual and both parties may be flexible about time and place, but if either faction fails to attend, the whole enterprise is likely to come off badly.
Woody Allen
Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful provided you get between the right man and the right woman.
Woody Allen
I learned a few things on my own since, and modified some of the things he taught me, but everything, unequivocally, that I learned about comedy writing I learned from Danny Simon.
Woody Allen
Should I marry W.? Not if she won't tell me the other letters in her name.
Woody Allen
My mind can never know my body, although it has become quite friendly with my legs.
Woody Allen
Hey listen -- I've proved a lot of things. That's how I pay my rent. Theories and little observations. A puckish remark now and then. Occasional maxims. It beats picking olives, but let's not get carried away.
Woody Allen
Sentence structure is innate, but whining is acquired.
Woody Allen
The whole thrust of science and the medical profession is to try and prevent it from happening, to try to prolong life, to keep you from dying, to keep you from getting older, to rejuvenate you. I mean, that's everybody's wish. The fountain of youth is everybody's sought-after thing.
Woody Allen
I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
Woody Allen
There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open?
Woody Allen
I don't know enough to be incompetent.
Woody Allen
