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If I had my life to live over, I wish I could be a great pianist or something.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Pianist
Wish
Live
Great
Something
Life

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Life is short. Short, and not about anything except what you can touch and what touches you.
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More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
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All literature is a footnote to Faust. I have no idea what I mean by that.
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I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants.
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Our love, our love will last forever. It's forever but it just doesn't work. That's why it will always be romantic because it can not be complete.
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Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
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The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife - a depressing thought, particularly for those who bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held. On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily laying down.
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The most important words in the English language are not 'I love you' but 'it's benign.'
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I feel about New York as a child whose father is a bank robber. Not perfect, but I still love him.
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I was in analysis. I was suicidal. As a matter of fact, I would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian and if you kill yourself they make you pay for the sessions you miss.
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I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.
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Should I marry W? Not if she won't tell me the other letters in her name. And what about her career? How can I ask a woman of her beauty to give up the Roller Derby? Decisions...
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We laughed over it, and Hemingway punched me in the mouth.
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I do the movies just for myself like an institutionalized person who basket-weaves. Busy fingers are happy fingers. I don't care about the films. I don't care if they're flushed down the toilet after I die.
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I'm twelve years old. I run into a synagogue. I ask the rabbi the meaning of life. He tells me the meaning of life but he tells it to me in Hebrew. I don't understand Hebrew. Then he wants to charge me $600 for Hebrew lessons.
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Sex is better than talk. Ask anybody in this bar. Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex.
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That’s one of the nice things about writing, or any art if the thing’s real, it just lives.
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We stand at a crossroads. One path leads to despair, the other to destruction. Let's hope we make the right choice.
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Skeptic that I was as an adolescent, I had recently come to believe in a Supreme Being after thumbing through a Victoria's Secret catalogue.
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Figures tell us there are already more people on earth than we need to move even the heaviest piano.
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