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I was a smart kid and I was not understood by my parents.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Smart
Understood
Parents
Parent
Kids

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For some reason it gives people pleasure to equate the life of certain movie actors or actresses with their actual lives.
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What a world. It could be so wonderful if it wasn't for certain people.
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If the [actors] are working, and I have a dinner engagement, I don't do 20 takes. I do five takes and go home. I want to go to dinner.
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The chief problem about death ... is the fear that there may be no afterlife - a depressing thought.
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Is it better to be the lover or the loved one? Neither, if your cholesterol is over six hundred. By love, of course, I refer to romantic love -- the love between man and woman, rather than between mother and child, or a boy and his dog, or two headwaiters.
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She had been critical of his new torch song, A Side Order of Heartache, Please, suggesting it could be used as a good way to break in their new paper shredder.
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When I get up in the morning, I go and I work with beautiful women and charming men and funny comedians and dramatic artists. And I'm presented with costumes and great music to choose from and sets. I travel a certain amount of places, so I've been living in a bubble. And I like it.
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I'm in show business. I'm not like a poor factory worker who'd been laid off.
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Me sitting down for dinner with Ingmar Bergman felt like a house painter sitting down with Picasso.
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Life is for the living.
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Until you've been kissed on a rainy Parisian afternoon - you've never been kissed.
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You can be distracted by your love life, by the baseball game, movies, by the nonsense. Can I get my kid into this private school? Can I get this girl to go out with me Saturday night? Am I going to get the promotion in my office? All this stuff, but in the end the universe burns out. So I think it's completely meaningless.
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Well, if I don't get at least 16 hours, I'm a basket case.
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If you can delude yourself by believing that there is some kind of Santa Claus out there who is going to bail you out in the end, then it will help you get through. Even if you are proven wrong in the end, you would have had a better life than a non-believer.
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I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
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That’s one of the nice things about writing, or any art if the thing’s real, it just lives.
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In short, the best thing to do is behave in a manner befitting one's age. If you are sixteen or under, try not to go bald.
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Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
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People are always talking about the dumbing down of the country.
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There are worse things than death. Many of them playing at a theater near you.
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