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I was a smart kid and I was not understood by my parents.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Parents
Parent
Kids
Smart
Understood

More quotes by Woody Allen

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Those modern analysts, they charge so much! In my day, for five marks Freud himself would treat you. For ten marks he would treat you and press your pants. For fifteen marks Freud would let you treat him - that included a choice of any two vegetables.
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I was in analysis. I was suicidal. As a matter of fact, I would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian and if you kill yourself they make you pay for the sessions you miss.
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When you are dead, it is hard to find the light switch.
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I am told the settlement of $5 million I am being paid is the largest amount ever paid under the New York right to privacy law
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I like broad comedy. If I had an idea tomorrow for a film that was all slapstick and broad comedy, and it was an idea that interested me, I would not hesitate to do it because I enjoy watching these kinds of film.
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Skeptic that I was as an adolescent, I had recently come to believe in a Supreme Being after thumbing through a Victoria's Secret catalogue.
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Have you ever noticed that good people sleep better, but bad people seem to have more fun when they're awake?
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I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.
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If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.
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Sometimes some of the best moments are contributed by the actors being creative, with their own improvisations.
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American films, it's a money-making industry. And in France, you can find great respect for cinema as art.
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We stand at a crossroads. One path leads to despair, the other to destruction. Let's hope we make the right choice.
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For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something you always have.
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The important thing, I think, is not to be bitter. You know, if it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. I think that the worst thing you could say about him is that basically he's an underachiever. After all, you know, there are worse things in life than death.
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Standard mathematics has recently been rendered obsolete by the discovery that for years we have been writing the numeral five backward. This has led to reevaluation of counting as a method of getting from one to ten. Students are taught advanced concepts of Boolean algebra, and formerly unsolvable equations are dealt with by threats of reprisals.
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Honey, there's a spider in your bathroom the size of a Buick.
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I want to return to the womb, anyone's.
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Umlaut snaps around and we cut to a blond apparition in her early twenties, clearly descended from Olympus by way of Hugh Hefner's mansion.
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I always felt that the problems of the world would never ever be solved until people came to terms with the deeper issues [spiritual] - that there would be an aimless reshuffling of world leaders and governments and programs.
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What was the scandal? I fell in love with this girl, married her. We have been married for almost 15 years now.
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