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I can't imagine any director directing a screenplay of mine, because the great directors all have very personal styles, and the ones that don't are not very interesting directors.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
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The Bronx
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Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
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Doing abominations is against the law, particularly if the abominations are done while wearing a lobster bib.
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If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Warren Beatty's fingertips.
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It is clear the future holds great opportunities. It also holds pitfalls. The trick will be to avoid the pitfalls, seize the opportunities, and get back home by six o'clock.
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And Nietzche, with his theory of eternal recurrence. He said that the life we lived we're going to live over again the exact same way for eternity. Great. That means I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again.
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How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
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The movie is usually, for me, something organic that grows all the time. I sit home and write it, and I'm in an isolated, four-walled environment, and I don't know what's going on. I just write it, and it's appearing in my head in some idealized way where every single moment works, and every little thing is perfect, because it's in my head.
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I know what I think but I don't know how to put it into words. Maybe I could get a little bit drunk and dance it for you.
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Skeptic that I was as an adolescent, I had recently come to believe in a Supreme Being after thumbing through a Victoria's Secret catalogue.
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The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
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Child molestation is a touchy subject... Read the papers! Half the country's doing it!
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You look up after many years and you find that a film has become a classic because it's meaningful to people and alive, decade after decade.
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Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
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Years ago I was on television having a discussion with Billy Graham about atheism. He was saying, even if you're right and I'm wrong, and there's nothing after, I will have had a better life than you, because I do believe there was something. And I couldn't argue with that, even though I wanted to.
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When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
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Standing in a garage no more makes you a car than standing in a church makes you a Christian.
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The less I speak to the actors, the better. And I always hire great people, and I don't want to impose my pre-conceived notions on them. They know how to play it.
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There is always the possibility that people will change. Real change is more rare. You are who you are at a certain age in life you are pretty much a variation of that your whole life. It's conceivable that you will change but it's not likely.
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The heart is a very, very resilient little muscle. It really is.
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Meanwhile, the minute you put on the dotted line your Sam Hancock - and before a notary - you'll not only get the negative but Elsie makes a wonderful stuffed cabbage which we'll include gratis a few portions but return the jars please.
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Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.
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