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In real life, Keaton believes in God. But she also believes that the radio works because there are tiny people inside it.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Atheism
Works
Inside
Also
Real
Keaton
Believe
Believes
Life
Tiny
People
Radio

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I don't own a computer. I've never seen anything online at all - nothing. I don't own a word processor. I have none of that stuff. It's not an act of rebellion. I'm just not a gadget person.
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Is world peace possible or is the human race too innately aggressive? For instance: Have you ever seen women at a sample sale?
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Dear Mom and Dad, Leave $50,000 in a bag under the bridge on Decatur Street. If there is no bridge on Decatur Street, please build one.
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I carry a bullet in my breast pocket. Once, a crazy evangelist threw a bible at me, which would have gone through my heart if it wasn't for the bullet.
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Chastity is curable, if detected early.
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Since I was a kid, I could make up stories, I could make up funny jokes and I could always do it. When I'm walking down the street or having dinner, ideas will hit me, and I write them down on matchbooks or napkins and throw them in the draw.
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When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.
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My grandfather was a very insignificant man, actually. At his funeral his hearse followed the other cars.
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There's no correlation between what the public likes and what I'm after. I'm in a different world.
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In every generation there are a few people who are authentically funny. The cosmetics change. You may not be able to articulate it, and you may laugh at them and get a certain amount of enjoyment. But when you're asleep at night, and you wake up at 3 in the morning, and you're alone in your bed, you know who's really funny.
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Reality may not be the best of all possible worlds, but it's still the only place where you can get a decent steak.
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My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
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I'm a teleological, existential agnostic.
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I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me.
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God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.
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Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
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Relationships are really what interest me the most. And I think, in the end, they interest most people the most. Even when you read Tolstoy or something, basically they're about man and woman relationships.
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The whole country was tied together by radio. We all experienced the same heroes and comedians and singers. They were giants.
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I'm twelve years old. I run into a synagogue. I ask the rabbi the meaning of life. He tells me the meaning of life but he tells it to me in Hebrew. I don't understand Hebrew. Then he wants to charge me $600 for Hebrew lessons.
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