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Manute Bol is so skinny they save money on road trips. They just fax him from city to city.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
City
Cities
Funny
Fax
Money
Trips
Nba
Skinny
Save
Road

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I don't own a computer. I've never seen anything online at all - nothing. I don't own a word processor. I have none of that stuff. It's not an act of rebellion. I'm just not a gadget person.
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It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
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Honey, you're the one who stopped sleeping with me, OK? It'll be a year come April 20th. I remember the date exactly, because it was Hitler's birthday
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Is there a separation between body and mind, and if so which is it better to have?
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Me sitting down for dinner with Ingmar Bergman felt like a house painter sitting down with Picasso.
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In perpetrating a revolution, there are two requirements: someone or something to revolt against and someone to actually show up and do the revolting. Dress is usually casual and both parties may be flexible about time and place, but if either faction fails to attend, the whole enterprise is likely to come off badly.
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What advice would I give the average homeowner to protect himself against burglars? Well, the first thing is to keep a light on in the house when you go out. It must be at least a sixty-watt bulb anything less and the burglar will ransack the house, out of contempt for the wattage.
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For the first year of marriage I had basically a bad attitude. I tended to place my wife underneath a pedestal.
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As a boy, I was ashamed to wear glasses. I memorized the eye chart, and then on the test they asked essay questions.
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You mellow too much you ripen and rot.
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What has gotten into you lately? Save a little craziness for menopause!
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I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
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Does art imitate life, or does life imitate TV?
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I do occasionally envy the person who is religious naturally, without being brainwashed into it or suckered into it by all the organized hustles.
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It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
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I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
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Is Knowledge knowable? If not, how do we know?
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I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.
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What was the scandal? I fell in love with this girl, married her. We have been married for almost 15 years now.
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If I could only see one miracle, just one miracle. Like a burning bush, or the seas part, or my uncle Sasha pick up a check.
Woody Allen