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Last year I had difficulty with my income tax. I tried to take my analyst off as a business deduction. The Government said it was entertainment. We compromised finally and made it a religious contribution.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
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Last
Entertainment
Business
Difficulty
Deduction
Government
Finally
Analyst
Take
Tried
Compromised
Made
Taxes
Deductions
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Year
Analysts
More quotes by Woody Allen
Paris is a very exciting city. I learned about Paris the same way that Americans do: from the movies.
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My analyst warned me, but you were so beautiful I got another analyst.
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I'm a terrible musician. While the band members are great, I'm tolerated and affectionately regarded because I do movies, but if I had to make my living as a musician I would starve. I'm like a Sunday tennis player.
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With me it's just a genetic dissatisfaction with everything.
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My wife is immature. Whenever I take a bath, she sinks my boats.
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You use sex to express every emotion except love.
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If you can delude yourself by believing that there is some kind of Santa Claus out there who is going to bail you out in the end, then it will help you get through. Even if you are proven wrong in the end, you would have had a better life than a non-believer.
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I didn't go to Paris until I was a grown-up in 1965. And when I went to Paris, it was the Paris I knew only from American movies.
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No, I don't think you're paranoid. I think you're the opposite of paranoid. I think you walk around with the insane delusion that people like you.
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I said this to my daughter, if you don't practice the guitar, when you get older you wouldn't be able to play it. It's that simple. If you want to play the guitar, you put a half hour in everyday, but you have to do it.
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Let's say there was a burning building and you could rush in and you could save only one thing: either the last known copy of Shakespeare's plays or some anonymous human being. What would you do?
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None of the arts are any good unless you really are great at them.
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Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third.
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I wish I was writing something much more heavy each time I did a film, and that the comedies just occasionally come out. But unfortunately you're stuck with what you're born with.
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Those who can't do, teach. And those who can't teach, teach gym.
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Do I believe in God? I did until Mother's accident. She fell on some meat loaf and it penetrated her spleen.
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The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have.
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I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
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Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.
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You are always a comedian by default. You are this way because you've been forced to be this way, but it is better to be the hero. So if you can be a persona, the great one of my lifetime of course was and is Marlon Brando.
Woody Allen
