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Last year I had difficulty with my income tax. I tried to take my analyst off as a business deduction. The Government said it was entertainment. We compromised finally and made it a religious contribution.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
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Tried
Compromised
Made
Taxes
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Years
Year
Analysts
Religious
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Income
Last
Entertainment
Business
Difficulty
Deduction
Government
Finally
Analyst
More quotes by Woody Allen
I'm giving [my analyst] one more year--then I'm going to Lourdes.
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I'm a nice person! I have healthy life drives and goals! I don't drink, I don't smoke. I would never force myself sexually on a blind person!
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I'm in show business. I'm not like a poor factory worker who'd been laid off.
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Do I believe in God? I did until Mother's accident. She fell on some meat loaf and it penetrated her spleen.
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If I could just hope to have a major talent, then I would rather have it in music than in any other field.
Woody Allen
You can be distracted by your love life, by the baseball game, movies, by the nonsense. Can I get my kid into this private school? Can I get this girl to go out with me Saturday night? Am I going to get the promotion in my office? All this stuff, but in the end the universe burns out. So I think it's completely meaningless.
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If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
Woody Allen
My father worked for the same firm for 12 years. They fired him and replaced him with a tiny gadget that does everything my father does, only much better. The depressing thing is my mother ran out and bought one
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I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Woody Allen
When I get up in the morning, I go and I work with beautiful women and charming men and funny comedians and dramatic artists. And I'm presented with costumes and great music to choose from and sets. I travel a certain amount of places, so I've been living in a bubble. And I like it.
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When we lose twenty pounds... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty.
Woody Allen
There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open?
Woody Allen
The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife - a depressing thought, particularly for those who bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held. On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily laying down.
Woody Allen
The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind -- a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house.
Woody Allen
I came home one night, some month ago, and I went to the closet in my bedroom...and a moth ate my sports jacket. He was laying on the floor, nauseous, y'know.
Woody Allen
My relationship with American audiences is the exact same as it always has been. They never came to see my films, and they don't come now.
Woody Allen
It's just gossip, you know. Gossip is the new pornography.
Woody Allen
I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants.
Woody Allen
I have no idea what I am doing but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm.
Woody Allen
And Nietzche, with his theory of eternal recurrence. He said that the life we lived we're going to live over again the exact same way for eternity. Great. That means I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again.
Woody Allen
