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It figures you've got to hate yourself if you've got any integrity at all.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Hate
Integrity
Figures
More quotes by Woody Allen
Science is an intellectual dead end, you know? It's a lot of little guys in tweed suits cutting up frogs on foundation grants.
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His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
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What a world. It could be so wonderful if it wasn't for certain people.
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Can you believe that? She says I'm not leader enough for her. Who was she looking for... Hitler?
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The true test of maturity is not how old a person is but how he reacts to awakening in the mid-town area in his shorts.
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Once munching has begun, Schopenhauer held, the human will cannot resist further munching, and the result is a universe with crumbs over everything.
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It's all through the actors I cannot write in that idiom
Woody Allen
Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have you declared legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.
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What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?
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The best things in life are censored.
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God is either cruel or incompetent.
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Why not? Life is short, life is dull, life is full of pain - and this is a chance for something special.
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I've always had an easy time directing actors because I always hire ones that are great before I get my hands on them.
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When it comes to sex there are certain things that should always be left unknown, and with my luck, they probably will be.
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I got a divorce because my ex-wife left me for another woman.
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Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
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Doing abominations is against the law, particularly if the abominations are done while wearing a lobster bib.
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Have you ever noticed that good people sleep better, but bad people seem to have more fun when they're awake?
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Standard mathematics has recently been rendered obsolete by the discovery that for years we have been writing the numeral five backward. This has led to reevaluation of counting as a method of getting from one to ten. Students are taught advanced concepts of Boolean algebra, and formerly unsolvable equations are dealt with by threats of reprisals.
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Some men are heterosexual and some men are bisexual and some men don't think about sex at all ... you know, they become lawyers.
Woody Allen
