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Hey listen -- I've proved a lot of things. That's how I pay my rent. Theories and little observations. A puckish remark now and then. Occasional maxims. It beats picking olives, but let's not get carried away.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
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Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
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Picking
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Occasional
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More quotes by Woody Allen

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What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?
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See, I will always have this penchant for what I call kamikaze women. I call them kamikazes because they, you know they crash their plane, they're self-destructive. But they crash into you, and you die along with them.
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Enthusiasm is a good engine, but it needs intelligence for a driver.
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I don't believe in an afterlife, but I'm taking an extra pair of underwear just in case.
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I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
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His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
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People ask me whether I think that one day I might wake up one morning and run dry, but I've had the opposite feeling - that I would die before I had time to write all the ideas in my drawer.
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I work all the time because it's a great distraction and it keeps me from sitting home and obsessing morbidly.
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Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea.
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If I could change the structure of existence I would do it. I could see a better way to live for everybody.
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Nothing like a little post-traumatic stress disorder to make your day complete.
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Fantasy is only a state of mind that you can employ when existing in a real context.
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The great roe is a mythological beast with the head of a lion and the body of a lion, though not the same lion.
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Does art imitate life, or does life imitate TV?
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Sylvia Plath. Interesting poetess whose tragic suicide was misinterpreted as romantic by the college-girl mentality.
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In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.
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How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?
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We stand at a crossroads. One path leads to despair, the other to destruction. Let's hope we make the right choice.
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I'm a comedian. I make comic films and there are certain ideas that occur to me that are comic, with heavy, serious undertones. There are some ideas that are more frivolous to me. The next idea that could occur to me could be comedy about death and famine or something.
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There's nothing like the discovery of an unknown work by a great thinker to set the intellectual community atwitter and cause academics to dart about like those things one sees when looking at a drop of water under a microscope.
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