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Hey listen -- I've proved a lot of things. That's how I pay my rent. Theories and little observations. A puckish remark now and then. Occasional maxims. It beats picking olives, but let's not get carried away.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Away
Theories
Remark
Littles
Hey
Observations
Little
Carried
Maxims
Things
Observation
Rent
Beats
Remarks
Pay
Picking
Listen
Occasional
Theory
Proved
Olives

More quotes by Woody Allen

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All over the world, relationships between men and women are very, very tricky and very difficult and you don't learn anything. It's not an exact science, so you can't learn anything. You're always going by instinct and your instinct betrays you because you want what you want when you want it.
Woody Allen
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I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go down and meet them with baseball bats. (On the KKK)
Woody Allen
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I don't like theatrical actors and actresses. I like people that talk like real human beings.
Woody Allen
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I think if you have a comic perspective, almost anything that happens you tend to put through a comic filter. It's a way of coping in the short term, but has no long term effect and requires constant, endless renewal. Hence people talk of comics who are always on. It's like constantly drugging your sensibility so you can get by with less pain.
Woody Allen
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I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead - not sick, not wounded - dead.
Woody Allen
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I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot
Woody Allen
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I don't know what the hell I'm doing here. I'm 237 years old, I should be collecting social security.
Woody Allen
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I took a puff of the wrong cigarette at a fraternity dance once, and the cops had to get me, y'know. I broke two teeth trying to give a hickie to the Statue of Liberty.
Woody Allen
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I don't believe in competition for artistic things. I just like the atmosphere of the Cannes festival. I don't want to win anything or lose anything.
Woody Allen
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And in all of Babylonia there was wailing and gnashing of teeth, 'til the prophets bade the multitudes get a grip on themselves and shape up.
Woody Allen
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Can you believe that? She says I'm not leader enough for her. Who was she looking for... Hitler?
Woody Allen
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Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
Woody Allen
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You look up after many years and you find that a film has become a classic because it's meaningful to people and alive, decade after decade.
Woody Allen
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If you're not failing, you're not trying anything.
Woody Allen
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A wife lasts only for the length of the marriage, but an ex-wife is there for the rest of your life.
Woody Allen
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One of the interesting things is, the most gifted people, the biggest people, have no problem taking small roles.
Woody Allen
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I think it's my job or the artist's job, to try and find some solution or some reason to accept things. But given the grimmest reality, I feel the grimmest facts are the real facts, the true facts: that you're born, you die, you suffer, it's to no purpose, and you're gone forever, ever, ever, and that's it.
Woody Allen
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It's important to control yourself because life gets too complicated if you don't, but the impulse is often there for people. Some say society should be more open. That doesn't work either.
Woody Allen
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Paris is particularly beautiful in the rain. It was just a nice experience for me, a pleasant experience, and I was able to present it to the world through my eyes, very subjectively - not realistically, but subjectively.
Woody Allen
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I don't know enough to be incompetent.
Woody Allen