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Hey listen -- I've proved a lot of things. That's how I pay my rent. Theories and little observations. A puckish remark now and then. Occasional maxims. It beats picking olives, but let's not get carried away.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Beats
Remarks
Pay
Picking
Listen
Occasional
Theory
Proved
Olives
Away
Theories
Remark
Littles
Hey
Observations
Little
Carried
Maxims
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Observation
Rent

More quotes by Woody Allen

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In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.
Woody Allen
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Tradition is the illusion of permanance.
Woody Allen
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Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.
Woody Allen
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The most important words in the English language are not 'I love you' but 'it's benign.'
Woody Allen
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The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
Woody Allen
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I don't like theatrical actors and actresses. I like people that talk like real human beings.
Woody Allen
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You rely too much on brain. The brain is the most overrated organ.
Woody Allen
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It's important to control yourself because life gets too complicated if you don't, but the impulse is often there for people. Some say society should be more open. That doesn't work either.
Woody Allen
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Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.
Woody Allen
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I should have known something was wrong with my first wife. When I brought her home to meet my parents, they approved of her.
Woody Allen
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This sounds so bleak when I say it, but we need some delusions to keep us going. And the people who successfully delude themselves seem happier than the people who can't.
Woody Allen
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Love is too weak a word for what I feel - I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F's, yes.
Woody Allen
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I keep wondering if there is an afterlife, and if there is will they be able to break a twenty?
Woody Allen
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Meanwhile, the minute you put on the dotted line your Sam Hancock - and before a notary - you'll not only get the negative but Elsie makes a wonderful stuffed cabbage which we'll include gratis a few portions but return the jars please.
Woody Allen
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Cynicism is reality with an alternate spelling.
Woody Allen
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Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat...college.
Woody Allen
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I do occasionally envy the person who is religious naturally, without being brainwashed into it or suckered into it by all the organized hustles.
Woody Allen
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Drama, it would be as if you wrote some poetry. You'd run the risk of being embarrassed if people read it, because you're pouring your heart out and you're not mitigating it with any humor or anything.
Woody Allen
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Real software engineers don't debug programs, they verify correctness. This process doesn't necessarily involve execution of anything on a computer, except perhaps a Correctness Verification Aid package. Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.
Woody Allen
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I asked the girl if she could bring a sister for me. She did. Sister Maria Teresa. It was a very slow evening. We discussed the New Testament. We agreed that He was very well adjusted for an only child.
Woody Allen