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This sounds so bleak when I say it, but we need some delusions to keep us going. And the people who successfully delude themselves seem happier than the people who can't.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Need
Successfully
Needs
Happier
Going
Delusion
People
Sounds
Seem
Sound
Delude
Keep
Delusions
Seems
Bleak

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Showing up is 80 percent of life.
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The whole thrust of science and the medical profession is to try and prevent it from happening, to try to prolong life, to keep you from dying, to keep you from getting older, to rejuvenate you. I mean, that's everybody's wish. The fountain of youth is everybody's sought-after thing.
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My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
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I can't even make a leap of faith to believe in my own existence.
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Is world peace possible or is the human race too innately aggressive? For instance: Have you ever seen women at a sample sale?
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And in all of Babylonia there was wailing and gnashing of teeth, 'til the prophets bade the multitudes get a grip on themselves and shape up.
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There will be no major solution to the suffering of humanity until we reach some understanding of who we are, what the purpose of creation was, what happens after death. Until those questions are resolved we are caught.
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Standard mathematics has recently been rendered obsolete by the discovery that for years we have been writing the numeral five backward. This has led to reevaluation of counting as a method of getting from one to ten. Students are taught advanced concepts of Boolean algebra, and formerly unsolvable equations are dealt with by threats of reprisals.
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Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat...college.
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In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.
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I've never dated a fictional character before. The closest I ever came was an Italian.
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Doing abominations is against the law, particularly if the abominations are done while wearing a lobster bib.
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Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
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I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
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I'm a terrible musician. While the band members are great, I'm tolerated and affectionately regarded because I do movies, but if I had to make my living as a musician I would starve. I'm like a Sunday tennis player.
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Abysmal vermin that I am, I couldn't of course tell her that it was her incredible mother that I wanted to see again… I knew only as I drove through the cold, night autumn air that somewhere Freud, Sophocles and Eugene O’Neill were laughing.
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But it was I - yes I - who discovered the link between excessive masturbation and entry into politics!
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