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I know what I think but I don't know how to put it into words. Maybe I could get a little bit drunk and dance it for you.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Think
Thinking
Drunk
Dance
Bits
Maybe
Words
Littles
Little

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It's hard for me to know. I'll think, 'I really brought off my ideas, it's great,' and no one sparks to it
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The last woman I was in was the Statue of Liberty.
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There's nothing good about getting older-absolutely nothing-because the amount of wisdom and experience you gain is negligible compared to what you lose. You do gain a couple of things-you gain a little bittersweet and sour wisdom from your heartbreaks and failures and things-but what you lose is so catastrophic in every way.
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We Are The Sum Total Of Our Choices.
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Maugham then offers the greatest advice anyone could give to a young author: At the end of an interrogation sentence, place a question mark. You'd be surprised how effective it can be.
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If you aren't failing, you aren't trying.
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There will be no major solution to the suffering of humanity until we reach some understanding of who we are, what the purpose of creation was, what happens after death. Until those questions are resolved we are caught.
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Regarding love what can you say? It's not the quantity of your sexual relations that counts. It's the quality. On the other hand if the quantity drops below once every eight months, I would definitely look into it.
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My relationship with death remains the same - I'm strongly against it.
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I don't like theatrical actors and actresses. I like people that talk like real human beings.
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If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe.
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I don't know enough to be incompetent.
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People always ask me, Do you ever think you'll wake up one morning and not be funny? That thought would never occur to me--it's an odd thought and not realistic. Because funny and me are not separate. We're one.
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How does gravity work? And if it were to cease suddenly, would certain restaurants still require a jacket?
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See, I never gain an ounce, because, you know, my anxiety acts like aerobics.
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Eternity is really long, especially near the end.
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Life is a concentration camp. You're stuck here and there's no way out and you can only rage impotently against your persecutors.
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In 1940 I was just turning 5 years old and being taken to the movies. For those of us who were not old enough to understand the horror of war it was a very romantic era because these guys were kissing their wives and girlfriends goodbye and going off to fight and become heroes.
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Over the years I've never written or made movies about political themes 'cause while they do have current critical importance, in the large, large scheme of things, only the big questions matter and the answers to those big questions are very, very depressing.
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To me, movies are valuable as an art form and as a wonderful means of popular entertainment. But I think movies have gone terribly wrong.
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