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Every hooker I ever speak to tells me that it beats the hell out of waitressing.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Every
Waitressing
Hooker
Prostitution
Tells
Beats
Hell
Speak
Ever

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I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her.
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Is world peace possible or is the human race too innately aggressive? For instance: Have you ever seen women at a sample sale?
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A man that has never lied to a woman has no respect for her feelings.
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I don't like theatrical actors and actresses. I like people that talk like real human beings.
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[Stanley] Kubrick was a great artist and a perfectionist. He always wanted the exact right thing. He did a million takes. Everything had to be perfect. I'm an imperfectionist. I don't really care that much about the work. I write quickly. I'm careless. I shoot carelessly.
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History is the same thing over and over again.
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Yes, but the difference is that when you're dead and somebody yells, 'Everybody up, it's morning,' it's very hard to find your slippers.
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The film studios learned to our dismay but to their pleasure that if they spent $200 million making a film they could make half a billion on it. So they were not interested anymore in quality films... They can't afford to be that risky at those prices. Consequently you're getting a lot of remakes, sequels, dopey comedies full of toilet jokes...
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Have you ever taken a serious political stand on anything? Yeah. Sure. For twenty-four hours once I refused to eat grapes.
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I sued American Apparel because they calculatingly took my name, my likeness and image and used them publicly to promote their business.
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I have a limitless amount of great music at my disposal and it's very, very pleasurable because when the music goes on the film it's amazing how much it livens up the film and gives it an emotional kick in the pants, sort of.
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When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
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I wouldn't necessarily want to be a big muscular guy. It's nice to be gorgeous whether you're male or female assuming you don't lose whatever else you have.
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Every success is built on the ability to do better than good enough. As you climb the ladder of success, be sure it's leaning against the right building. Eighty percent of success is showing up.
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While we're waiting for a cab I'll give you your lesson for today. Don't listen to what your teachers tell ya, you know. Don't pay attention. Just, just see what they look like and that's how you'll know what life is really gonna be like.
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Paris is particularly beautiful in the rain. It was just a nice experience for me, a pleasant experience, and I was able to present it to the world through my eyes, very subjectively - not realistically, but subjectively.
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I believe people ought to mate for life...like pigeons or Catholics.
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For God sakes, this is a woman I was married to for 10 years. We made love. I'd hold her head over the toilet bowl when she threw up.
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Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
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Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
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