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Every hooker I ever speak to tells me that it beats the hell out of waitressing.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Hell
Speak
Ever
Every
Waitressing
Hooker
Prostitution
Tells
Beats

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I never start editing a film until it's completely shot I don't edit along the way, ever. When it's finished I come in here [screening room] and we start with reel one, scene one and start editing shot by shot by shot until we're finished.
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Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right.
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Eighty percent of success is showing up.
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Even if God exists, he's done such a terrible job, it's a wonder people don't get together and file a class action suit against him.
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You make a film and always hope you're going make Citizen Kane or The Bicycle Thief. You make the film, and for one reason or another, one clicks and one doesn't, but it's out of your control completely.
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There are three things Jewish people worship-God, Chinese food and wall-to-wall carpeting.
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There's something about my films they're informed by my sensibility. I have the same preoccupations, the same interests... there's just something in the nuance, and so you always know it's a film of mine whether I sign my name to it or not.
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Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
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Those modern analysts, they charge so much! In my day, for five marks Freud himself would treat you. For ten marks he would treat you and press your pants. For fifteen marks Freud would let you treat him - that included a choice of any two vegetables.
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My experience creatively is different than my experience in life, for, as my father would say, the simple reason that you can't get hurt when everything goes wrong creatively.
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When I'm not working, I think and I think when I get depressed.
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Cynicism is reality with an alternate spelling.
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The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.
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When I get up in the morning, I go and I work with beautiful women and charming men and funny comedians and dramatic artists. And I'm presented with costumes and great music to choose from and sets. I travel a certain amount of places, so I've been living in a bubble. And I like it.
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Geez, I should stop ruining my life searching for answers I'm never gonna get, and just enjoy it while it lasts.
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I don't know what the hell I'm doing here. I'm 237 years old, I should be collecting social security.
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90 per cent of success is turning up.
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You'll find as you go through life that great depth and smoldering sensuality don't always win.
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My father owned a small piece of land. He carried it with him wherever he went.
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