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Every hooker I ever speak to tells me that it beats the hell out of waitressing.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Prostitution
Tells
Beats
Hell
Speak
Ever
Every
Waitressing
Hooker

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Writing is great because in the writing you never have to... First of all you never have to leave your home. And you never have to meet the test of reality when you're writing.
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Everyone wants to get out of living where they're living now, because life is a pretty tough proposition and not much fun. But when you think back to earlier times, you only extrapolate the nice things.
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Death is an acquired trait.
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Relationships are really what interest me the most. And I think, in the end, they interest most people the most. Even when you read Tolstoy or something, basically they're about man and woman relationships.
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As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
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I sued American Apparel because they calculatingly took my name, my likeness and image and used them publicly to promote their business.
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I want to return to the womb, anyone's.
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If you aren't failing, you aren't trying.
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The great question of philosophy remains: If life is meaningless, what can be done about alphabet soup?
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I have a great admiration for English actors and actresses and have used them at every opportunity over the years, but now I won't have to import them to New York.
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The French make two mistakes about me. They think I'm an intellectual because I wear these glasses and they think I'm an artist because my films lose money.
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Abysmal vermin that I am, I couldn't of course tell her that it was her incredible mother that I wanted to see again… I knew only as I drove through the cold, night autumn air that somewhere Freud, Sophocles and Eugene O’Neill were laughing.
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Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.
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When I first started, there were writers that I looked up to that I felt very influenced by and very respectful toward their work and their opinion of my work.
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I foresee death by culture shock.
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Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
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Dying is like making love, except you don't get naseous afterwards.
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Not think of death as an end, but think of it more as a very effective way of cutting down on your expenses.
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People always tease me. They say, look at you, you went for so much psychoanalysis and you're so neurotic, you wind up marrying a girl so much younger than you.
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I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.
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