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Let's say there was no terrorism whatsoever and we were all very nice to one another and we were all kind, we still would be faced with an extremely cruel and hostile universe and existence and so I'm a great pessimist and I feel that it's impossible really to be happy, and that the best you can hope for is to be distracted.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Great
Hope
Faced
Kind
Universe
Cruel
Really
Another
Extremely
Would
Stills
Terrorism
Still
Impossible
Pessimist
Best
Existence
Distracted
Feel
Nice
Whatsoever
Feels
Happy
Hostile

More quotes by Woody Allen

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The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife - a depressing thought, particularly for those who bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held. On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily laying down.
Woody Allen
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Hey listen -- I've proved a lot of things. That's how I pay my rent. Theories and little observations. A puckish remark now and then. Occasional maxims. It beats picking olives, but let's not get carried away.
Woody Allen
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There is dignity in suffering nobility in pain but failure is a salted wound, that burns and burns again!
Woody Allen
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If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Warren Beatty's fingertips.
Woody Allen
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All literature is a footnote to Faust. I have no idea what I mean by that.
Woody Allen
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I never knew what Amazon was. I've never seen any of those series, even on cable. I've never seen The Sopranos, or Mad Men. I'm out every night and when I come home, I watch the end of the baseball or basketball game, and there's Charlie Rose and I go to sleep.
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The artist can't give you an answer that's satisfying to the dreadful reality of your existence. So the best you can do is maybe entertain people and refresh them for an hour-and-a-half.
Woody Allen
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If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
Woody Allen
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How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
Woody Allen
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I'm twelve years old. I run into a synagogue. I ask the rabbi the meaning of life. He tells me the meaning of life but he tells it to me in Hebrew. I don't understand Hebrew. Then he wants to charge me $600 for Hebrew lessons.
Woody Allen
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When I naturally write a story and I feel that the guy is sitting across the table from the girl and flirting with her... I think, 'God, that can't be me' because I'm just too old for that part. You need a 30-year-old or a 35-year-old for that part. And so I've given myself less and less roles.
Woody Allen
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I loathed every day and regret every moment I spent in a school.
Woody Allen
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See, I will always have this penchant for what I call kamikaze women. I call them kamikazes because they, you know they crash their plane, they're self-destructive. But they crash into you, and you die along with them.
Woody Allen
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If it turns out that there is a God...the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.
Woody Allen
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I read in self-defense.
Woody Allen
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All i have in my life is my imagination
Woody Allen
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I am not afraid of death. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen
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I have a great admiration for English actors and actresses and have used them at every opportunity over the years, but now I won't have to import them to New York.
Woody Allen
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My grandfather was a very insignificant man, actually. At his funeral his hearse followed the other cars.
Woody Allen
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Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
Woody Allen