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I wish I was writing something much more heavy each time I did a film, and that the comedies just occasionally come out. But unfortunately you're stuck with what you're born with.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Writing
Unfortunately
Much
Stuck
Something
Heavy
Time
Comedy
Wish
Born
Film
Comedies
Come
Occasionally

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I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
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We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives.
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When I get up in the morning, I go and I work with beautiful women and charming men and funny comedians and dramatic artists. And I'm presented with costumes and great music to choose from and sets. I travel a certain amount of places, so I've been living in a bubble. And I like it.
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Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful provided you get between the right man and the right woman.
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As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
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If I could change the structure of existence I would do it. I could see a better way to live for everybody.
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Eternity is really long, especially near the end.
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Early in life, I was visited by the bluebird of anxiety
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See, I never gain an ounce, because, you know, my anxiety acts like aerobics.
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Once munching has begun, Schopenhauer held, the human will cannot resist further munching, and the result is a universe with crumbs over everything.
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If I had my life to live over, I wish I could be a great pianist or something.
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I don't want to live forever through my work. I want to live forever by not dying.
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It figures you've got to hate yourself if you've got any integrity at all.
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I came home one night, some month ago, and I went to the closet in my bedroom...and a moth ate my sports jacket. He was laying on the floor, nauseous, y'know.
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Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.
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I spend a lot of time idly. I go to sporting events, play my clarinet. I practise. But if you work every day, a certain amount on a steady basis, the work accumulates.
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The only love that lasts is unrequited love.
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If God is everywhere, I had concluded, then He is in food. Therefore, the more I ate the godlier I would become. Impelled by this new religious fervor, I glutted myself like a fanatic.
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