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A tree never hits an automobile except in self defense.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Tree
Self
Never
Automobile
Hits
Forests
Driving
Defense
Except

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I can't enjoy anything unless everybody is. If one guy is starving someplace, that puts a crimp in my evening.
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I'm afraid of the dark,and suspicious of the light.
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Spencer was searching for a woman interested in gold, inorganic chemistry, outdoor sex and the music of Bach. In short, he was looking for himself, only female.
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They were doing the Dying Swan at the ballet. And there was a rumor that some bookmarkers had drifted into town from upstate New York and that they had fixed the bullet. There was a lot of money bet on the swan to live.
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I myself don't like to speak to the actors at all. I like to hire great people and let them do their thing. I don't like to speak to them. I don't like to have lunch with them. I don't like to socialize with them. I don't like to hear their ideas.
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People ask me whether I think that one day I might wake up one morning and run dry, but I've had the opposite feeling - that I would die before I had time to write all the ideas in my drawer.
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Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
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Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad.
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I never ever see a film of mine after I release it to the public. I see it when I shoot it in my dailies and while I'm editing it, re-editing it and reshooting it and all that. By the time it's finished I never want to see it again.
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I do feel it's important to have some kind of faith in something, but [it is] impossible for many of us. I personally don't have any faith in anything, but it's great if you can.
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I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
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See, I never gain an ounce, because, you know, my anxiety acts like aerobics.
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You know how you're always trying to get things to come out perfect in art because it's real difficult in life
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Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.
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Because it's much more pleasant to be obsessed over how the hero gets out of his predicament than it is over how I get out of mine.
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Is there a separation between body and mind, and if so which is it better to have?
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I'm in show business. I'm not like a poor factory worker who'd been laid off.
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I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.
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Eighty percent of success is showing up.
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It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies.
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