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A tree never hits an automobile except in self defense.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Defense
Except
Tree
Self
Never
Automobile
Hits
Forests
Driving

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I recently turned 60. Practically a third of my life is over.
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I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
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When you travel around the country, you see what a tough town New York is: rude, competitive, a town where good, logical ideas are ignored in favor of unworkable ones. And yet, all these other towns are so dead and boring compared to New York.
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A deranged person is supposed to have the strength of ten men. I have the strength of one small boy... with polio.
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There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open?
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I don't inhale because it gives you cancer, but I look so incredibly handsome with a cigarette that I can't not hold one.
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You are always a comedian by default. You are this way because you've been forced to be this way, but it is better to be the hero. So if you can be a persona, the great one of my lifetime of course was and is Marlon Brando.
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I love baseball. You know, it doesn’t have to mean anything. It’s just very beautiful to watch.
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One of the interesting things is, the most gifted people, the biggest people, have no problem taking small roles.
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I learned a few things on my own since, and modified some of the things he taught me, but everything, unequivocally, that I learned about comedy writing I learned from Danny Simon.
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To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer. Not to love is to suffer.
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If the [actors] are working, and I have a dinner engagement, I don't do 20 takes. I do five takes and go home. I want to go to dinner.
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How am I immature? Intellectually, emotionally, and sexually. Yeah, but in what other ways?
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When the Academy called, I panicked. I thought they might want their Oscars back and the pawn shop has been out of business for a while.
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Problems are like toilet paper. You pull on one and ten more come.
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Last year I had difficulty with my income tax. I tried to take my analyst off as a business deduction. The Government said it was entertainment. We compromised finally and made it a religious contribution.
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As I got more confident, I was able to let actors improvise, and do long takes. It's 10%, 5% you learn and experience. The rest you just have or you don't have.
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If you meet somebody and are attracted to someone, and the exquisite neurons in your brain and her brain intermesh properly, then things can be wonderful. It's not like homework. You don't have to work at the relationship.
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My wife and I thought we were in love, but it turned out to be benign
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Men would make love with any number of women ... even total strangers, while females were selective. They were catering to the demands of one small egg. While males had millions of frantic sperms screaming: Let us out, let us out!.
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