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When the Academy called, I panicked. I thought they might want their Oscars back and the pawn shop has been out of business for a while.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Might
Academy
Oscars
Shop
Shops
Called
Business
Panicked
Thought
Pawn
Back
Pawns

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Where I grew up in Brooklyn, nobody committed suicide. Everyone was too unhappy.
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I think Hollywood has gone in a disastrous path. It's terrible. The years of cinema that were great were the '30s, '40s, not so much the '50s...but then the foreign films took over and it was a great age of cinema as American directors were influenced by them and that fueled the '50s and '60s and '70s.
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I've always believed that thoughtful people don't really take the tabloids seriously. They're basically a form of entertainment. I enjoy them as much as the next New Yorker.
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There's nothing sexier than a lapsed Catholic.
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I don't mind dying... as long as I don't have to be there when it happens.
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What was the scandal? I fell in love with this girl, married her. We have been married for almost 15 years now.
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History is the same thing over and over again.
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I hope you're getting this down.
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But it was I - yes I - who discovered the link between excessive masturbation and entry into politics!
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Oh, he was probably a member of the National Rifle Association. It was a group that helped criminals get guns so they could shoot citizens. It was a public service.
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Life is full of moments that are good - winning a lottery, seeing a beautiful woman, a great dinner - but the whole thing is tragic. It's an oasis that is very pleasant.
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Real software engineers don't debug programs, they verify correctness. This process doesn't necessarily involve execution of anything on a computer, except perhaps a Correctness Verification Aid package. Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.
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All literature is a footnote to Faust. I have no idea what I mean by that.
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I keep getting more and more ambitious. Over the years, to some degree, in some areas, I feel I've grown. In some areas, I made a fool of myself. In some areas, I think I can still do some funny things.
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I foresee death by culture shock.
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The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only when it's done right.
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Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable with the possible exception of a moose singing 'Embraceable You' in spats.
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What is so fascinating about sitting around watching a bunch of pituitary cases stuff a ball through a hoop?
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I've been lucky because my films have consistently made a profit, almost all of them have made a profit. Never a huge profit, but nobody gets hurt. And therefore I get a lot of freedom.
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To me there’s no real difference between a fortune teller or a fortune cookie and any of the organized religions. They’re all equally valid or invalid, really. And equally helpful.
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