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When the Academy called, I panicked. I thought they might want their Oscars back and the pawn shop has been out of business for a while.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Business
Panicked
Thought
Pawn
Back
Pawns
Might
Academy
Oscars
Shop
Shops
Called

More quotes by Woody Allen

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If I just got up in the morning and had no place to go and was retired or something, I would be sitting there and be thinking, Gee, what is the purpose of life? Why are we all finite? Why do we get old and die? Is there nothing out there? Why is it so tragic? Why do our loved ones perish? Why do we generate? Who wants to think about that stuff
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It's very hard to keep your spirits up. You've got to keep selling yourself a bill of goods, and some people are better at lying to themselves than others. If you face reality too much, it kills you.... you've got to find an answer to the question: Why go on?
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When I naturally write a story and I feel that the guy is sitting across the table from the girl and flirting with her... I think, 'God, that can't be me' because I'm just too old for that part. You need a 30-year-old or a 35-year-old for that part. And so I've given myself less and less roles.
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I feel humor is important for those two reasons: that it is a little bit of refreshment like music, and that women have told me over the years that it is very, very important to them.
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There's no way to prove that there is no God. You just have to take it on faith.
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Paranoia is knowing all the facts.
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The great question of philosophy remains: If life is meaningless, what can be done about alphabet soup?
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The key point about a demonstration is that it must be seen. Hence the term demonstration. If a person demonstrates privately in his own home, this is not technically a demonstration but merely acting silly or behaving like an ass.
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To you I'm an atheist to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
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I was walking through the woods, thinking about Christ. If He was a carpenter, I wondered what He charged for bookshelves.
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Sentence structure is innate, but whining is acquired.
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My success has allowed me to strike out with a higher class of women.
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Where did we come from? Where are we going? Is there possibility of a group discount?
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Some people want to achieve immortality through their works or their descendants. I prefer to achieve immortality by not dying.
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The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.
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Do I believe in God? I did until Mother's accident. She fell on some meat loaf and it penetrated her spleen.
Woody Allen
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I prefer to achieve immortality by not dying.
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My gift was in comedy. I found out I could make jokes. I could tell jokes. I could write them. So over the years, that's what I've done.
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When I was born my mother was terribly disappointed. Not that she wanted a girl - she wanted a divorce.
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The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
Woody Allen