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How the hell do I know why there were Nazis? I don't know how the can-opener works.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Opener
Nazis
Nazi
Works
Hell
Understanding
More quotes by Woody Allen
My mother never had time for me. When you're the middle child in a family of five million, you don't get any attention.
Woody Allen
When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.
Woody Allen
We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives.
Woody Allen
Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.
Woody Allen
I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.
Woody Allen
You mellow too much you ripen and rot.
Woody Allen
There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open?
Woody Allen
I'm not a drinker, my body won't tolerate...eh...spirits, really. I had two martinis New Years Eve and I tried to hi-jack an elevator and fly it to Cuba.
Woody Allen
Isn't all mankind ultimately executed for a crime it never committed?
Woody Allen
I like broad comedy. If I had an idea tomorrow for a film that was all slapstick and broad comedy, and it was an idea that interested me, I would not hesitate to do it because I enjoy watching these kinds of film.
Woody Allen
Please forgive me. My pedicurist had a stroke. She fell forward onto the orange stick and plunged it into my toe. It required bandaging.
Woody Allen
I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me.
Woody Allen
When you are dead, it is hard to find the light switch.
Woody Allen
After 60, all of us belong to the weaker sex.
Woody Allen
Every success is built on the ability to do better than good enough. As you climb the ladder of success, be sure it's leaning against the right building. Eighty percent of success is showing up.
Woody Allen
My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.
Woody Allen
The whole thrust of science and the medical profession is to try and prevent it from happening, to try to prolong life, to keep you from dying, to keep you from getting older, to rejuvenate you. I mean, that's everybody's wish. The fountain of youth is everybody's sought-after thing.
Woody Allen
Not think of death as an end, but think of it more as a very effective way of cutting down on your expenses.
Woody Allen
Those who can't do, teach. And those who can't teach, teach gym.
Woody Allen
You make a film and always hope you're going make Citizen Kane or The Bicycle Thief. You make the film, and for one reason or another, one clicks and one doesn't, but it's out of your control completely.
Woody Allen
