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How the hell do I know why there were Nazis? I don't know how the can-opener works.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Nazi
Works
Hell
Understanding
Opener
Nazis
More quotes by Woody Allen
Astronomers say the universe is finite, which is a comforting thought for those people who can't remember where they leave things.
Woody Allen
I've had bad luck in my two previous marriages. The first wife left me, and the second did not.
Woody Allen
I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.
Woody Allen
Cynicism is reality with an alternate spelling.
Woody Allen
What' s the matter with me? Why can't I be cool?
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How wrong Emily Dickinson was! Hope is not the thing with feathers. The thing with feathers has turned out to be my nephew. I must take him to a specialist in Zurich.
Woody Allen
To be a film director is not a democracy, it's really a tyranny. You're the head of the project, for better rather than worse. I write the film and I direct the film, I decide who's going to be in it, I decide on the editing, I put in the music from my own record collection.
Woody Allen
People are always talking about the dumbing down of the country.
Woody Allen
I keep wondering if there is an afterlife, and if there is will they be able to break a twenty?
Woody Allen
I foresee death by culture shock.
Woody Allen
I never think I feel cynical in general. Cynical is reality with an alternate spelling. I feel there's a gigantic amount of injustice and overt crime every day in the world, from emotional crimes to international crimes, and it often carries rewards.
Woody Allen
I call that mind free which jealously guards its intellectual rights and powers, which calls no man master, which does not content itself with a passive or hereditary faith, [and] receives new truth as an angel from Heaven.
Woody Allen
While we're waiting for a cab I'll give you your lesson for today. Don't listen to what your teachers tell ya, you know. Don't pay attention. Just, just see what they look like and that's how you'll know what life is really gonna be like.
Woody Allen
I think universal harmony is a pipedream and it may be more productive to focus on more modest goals, like a ban on yodeling.
Woody Allen
But what if everyone in the world behaved like me and came here and shot Brisseau through the ear? What a mess! And of course we'd need valet parking.
Woody Allen
Today I saw a red and yellow sunset and thought, how insignificant I am! Of course, I thought that yesterday too, and it rained.
Woody Allen
When I'm not working, I think and I think when I get depressed.
Woody Allen
Let's say there was no terrorism whatsoever and we were all very nice to one another and we were all kind, we still would be faced with an extremely cruel and hostile universe and existence and so I'm a great pessimist and I feel that it's impossible really to be happy, and that the best you can hope for is to be distracted.
Woody Allen
The best things in life are censored.
Woody Allen
[The universe is] haphazard, morally neutral, and unimaginably violent.
Woody Allen
