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Paranoia is knowing all the facts.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Knowing
Facts
Paranoia

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Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.
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There's nothing like the discovery of an unknown work by a great thinker to set the intellectual community atwitter and cause academics to dart about like those things one sees when looking at a drop of water under a microscope.
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I always write the same way. I always write with a yellow pad and a ballpoint pen on my bed. And then I go and type it up afterwards. I've always done that. Those things become habitual.
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If you aren't failing, you aren't trying.
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If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
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There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open?
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Jazz is a big thing with me. It's a very big passion of mine, to play it. I'm an amateur musician and I love everything about it. I was obsessed with jazz when I was 15 years old and I know a lot about it because I've loved it so much.
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Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.
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In the event of war, I'm a hostage.
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My father worked for the same firm for 12 years. They fired him and replaced him with a tiny gadget that does everything my father does, only much better. The depressing thing is my mother ran out and bought one
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I don't know what I want, but I know what I don't want
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But what if everyone in the world behaved like me and came here and shot Brisseau through the ear? What a mess! And of course we'd need valet parking.
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Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
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If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Warren Beatty's fingertips.
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I think it's my job or the artist's job, to try and find some solution or some reason to accept things. But given the grimmest reality, I feel the grimmest facts are the real facts, the true facts: that you're born, you die, you suffer, it's to no purpose, and you're gone forever, ever, ever, and that's it.
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I have an intense desire to return to the womb. Anybody's.
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The last woman I was in was the Statue of Liberty.
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Do I believe in God? I did until Mother's accident. She fell on some meat loaf and it penetrated her spleen.
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If man were immortal, do you realize what his meat bills would be?
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No Matter what you do there will be critics.
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