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The true test of maturity is not how old a person is but how he reacts to awakening in the mid-town area in his shorts.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
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Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
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The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
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You mellow too much you ripen and rot.
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At the trial Stubbs chose to act as his own lawyer, but a conflict over his fee led to ill feelings.
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I heard that Commentary and Dissent had merged and formed Dysenery.
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If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Warren Beatty's fingertips.
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It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies.
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Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they fall in love with.
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Is there a separation between body and mind, and if so which is it better to have?
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Honey, there's a spider in your bathroom the size of a Buick.
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Where I grew up in Brooklyn, nobody committed suicide. Everyone was too unhappy.
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[An audience conditioned by a lifetime of television-watching is so corrupted that] their standards have been systematically lowered over the years. These guys sit in front of their sets and the gamma rays eat the white cells of their brains out!
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No, no, I'm a lowbrow. I read [Dostoevsky] more out of obligation than enjoyment. For enjoyment, for me, it's a beer and the football game.
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I'm twelve years old. I run into a synagogue. I ask the rabbi the meaning of life. He tells me the meaning of life but he tells it to me in Hebrew. I don't understand Hebrew. Then he wants to charge me $600 for Hebrew lessons.
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Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.
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Woody Allen
