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Humorists always sit at the children's table.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Humorists
Table
Tables
Humor
Children
Always
More quotes by Woody Allen
I don't know what the hell I'm doing here. I'm 237 years old, I should be collecting social security.
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The heart wants what it wants. There's no logic to these things. You meet someone and you fall in love and that's that.
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Yes, but the difference is that when you're dead and somebody yells, 'Everybody up, it's morning,' it's very hard to find your slippers.
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Last year I had difficulty with my income tax. I tried to take my analyst off as a business deduction. The Government said it was entertainment. We compromised finally and made it a religious contribution.
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When I was born my mother was terribly disappointed. Not that she wanted a girl - she wanted a divorce.
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The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.
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And in all of Babylonia there was wailing and gnashing of teeth, 'til the prophets bade the multitudes get a grip on themselves and shape up.
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The dictatorship is shut up, democracy is always concerned.
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Dear Mom and Dad, Leave $50,000 in a bag under the bridge on Decatur Street. If there is no bridge on Decatur Street, please build one.
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There's nothing wrong with you that a little Prozac and a polo mallet can't cure.
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See, I never gain an ounce, because, you know, my anxiety acts like aerobics.
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Music has always helped my films. In 'The Curse Of The Jade Scorpion,' you can hear 'Sunrise' by Glenn Miller, an idol of my childhood, in the surprise ending. I like mixing comedy with suspense and action.
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New York is my home and I have a particular fondness for it. I think it's a place where you can generate any kind of story wonderfully. But I also would be very happy to make a film in Paris or Rome.
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The best things in life are censored.
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There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open?
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Sentence structure is innate, but whining is acquired.
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Every hooker I ever speak to tells me that it beats the hell out of waitressing.
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My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.
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Maybe the poets are right. Maybe love is the only answer.
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Hey listen -- I've proved a lot of things. That's how I pay my rent. Theories and little observations. A puckish remark now and then. Occasional maxims. It beats picking olives, but let's not get carried away.
Woody Allen
