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Humorists always sit at the children's table.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Humor
Children
Always
Humorists
Table
Tables

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If my soul exists without my body I am convinced all my clothes will be loose-fitting
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He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.
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I don't rely on anybody except my own judgment. I don't get much input. I don't know if that's helped me or if I would be better off if I did rely on someone.
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Anything worth knowing cannot be understood by the human mind.
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All over the world, relationships between men and women are very, very tricky and very difficult and you don't learn anything. It's not an exact science, so you can't learn anything. You're always going by instinct and your instinct betrays you because you want what you want when you want it.
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I don't like to meet the actor and have a lot of conferences and talk about their sub-life and their off-screen life and their back stories and all that nonsense, because it never means anything.
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When I started out, I was a television writer, and we wrote a television show that was on live every week. And you didn't have the luxury of coming in and waiting to be inspired. You came in and you had to write. And you wrote, because it was going to be live on the air. So I can do that.
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It's hard for me to know. I'll think, 'I really brought off my ideas, it's great,' and no one sparks to it
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The last woman I was in was the Statue of Liberty.
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The film studios learned to our dismay but to their pleasure that if they spent $200 million making a film they could make half a billion on it. So they were not interested anymore in quality films... They can't afford to be that risky at those prices. Consequently you're getting a lot of remakes, sequels, dopey comedies full of toilet jokes...
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Jazz is a big thing with me. It's a very big passion of mine, to play it. I'm an amateur musician and I love everything about it. I was obsessed with jazz when I was 15 years old and I know a lot about it because I've loved it so much.
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You are much more dependent on luck than you think. People say if you want to have a good relationship, you have to work at it. But you never hear it about anything you really like, about sailing or going to soccer games.
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How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?
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Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.
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I do feel it's important to have some kind of faith in something, but [it is] impossible for many of us. I personally don't have any faith in anything, but it's great if you can.
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Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.
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I think a relationship is like a shark. It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
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What a world. It could be so wonderful if it wasn't for certain people.
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I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I have a tendency to... if I get too mellow, I ripen and then rot.
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My films are a form of psychoanalysis, except that it is I who am paid, which changes everything.
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