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Even if God exists, he's done such a terrible job, it's a wonder people don't get together and file a class action suit against him.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
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More quotes by Woody Allen
I don't get depressed I grow a tumor instead.
Woody Allen
Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.
Woody Allen
If it turns out that there is a God...the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.
Woody Allen
I don't like to meet the actor and have a lot of conferences and talk about their sub-life and their off-screen life and their back stories and all that nonsense, because it never means anything.
Woody Allen
I would never wanna belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member.
Woody Allen
The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.
Woody Allen
I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you take two negative points?
Woody Allen
A Bay Area Bisexual told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.
Woody Allen
I'm not anti-social. I'm just not social.
Woody Allen
Is Knowledge knowable? If not, how do we know?
Woody Allen
I've had bad luck in my two previous marriages. The first wife left me, and the second did not.
Woody Allen
Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.
Woody Allen
I hope you're getting this down.
Woody Allen
This year I'm a star, but what will I be next year? A black hole?
Woody Allen
The roe is reputed to sleep for a thousand years and then suddenly rise in flames, particularly if it was smoking when it dozed off.
Woody Allen
My analyst warned me, but you were so beautiful I got another analyst.
Woody Allen
I have one last request. Don't use embalming fluid on me I want to be stuffed with crab meat.
Woody Allen
There is always the possibility that people will change. Real change is more rare. You are who you are at a certain age in life you are pretty much a variation of that your whole life. It's conceivable that you will change but it's not likely.
Woody Allen
People make films for different reasons. For money. Or, they make them because something in them demands artistic expression. I do it because I enjoy the work.
Woody Allen
If I could just hope to have a major talent, then I would rather have it in music than in any other field.
Woody Allen
