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Even if God exists, he's done such a terrible job, it's a wonder people don't get together and file a class action suit against him.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Action
Suit
Together
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Done
Exists
Even
God
People
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More quotes by Woody Allen

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Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable with the possible exception of a moose singing 'Embraceable You' in spats.
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The heart wants what it wants. There's no logic to these things. You meet someone and you fall in love and that's that.
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Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!
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There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
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I'm not a big believer in the sense of Jews having a monopoly on comedy.
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I carry a bullet in my breast pocket. Once, a crazy evangelist threw a bible at me, which would have gone through my heart if it wasn't for the bullet.
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My analyst warned me, but you were so beautiful I got another analyst.
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I don't believe in God. Just try getting a plumber on the weekend.
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I think there is too much wrong with the world to ever get too relaxed and happy. The more natural state, and the better one, I think, is one of some anxiety and tension over man's plight in this mysterious universe.
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I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.
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It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one’s hat keeps blowing off.
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You can't anticipate in the room the riches of what you encounter when you're location hunting for a movie.
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I'm in show business. I'm not like a poor factory worker who'd been laid off.
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I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
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Life is hard for insects. And don't think mice are having any fun either.
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I think I've gotten technically better over the years but you'd have to be a fool not to. I've made so many movies that by sheer quantity you get better at the technique.
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My experience creatively is different than my experience in life, for, as my father would say, the simple reason that you can't get hurt when everything goes wrong creatively.
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My brain? It's my second favorite organ!
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You can't ride two horses with one behind.
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I keep wondering if there is an afterlife, and if there is will they be able to break a twenty?
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