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Even if God exists, he's done such a terrible job, it's a wonder people don't get together and file a class action suit against him.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
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Film Actor
Film Director
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The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
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More quotes by Woody Allen
Those who can't do, teach. And those who can't teach, teach gym.
Woody Allen
I don't why whatever works and whatever doesn't. You just make the film that you enjoy making at the time, and you think there's a good chance that people might enjoy the story. You're surprised pleasantly when they do. It's just luck.
Woody Allen
I don't fear death. - I just don't want to be around when it happens.
Woody Allen
I like broad comedy. If I had an idea tomorrow for a film that was all slapstick and broad comedy, and it was an idea that interested me, I would not hesitate to do it because I enjoy watching these kinds of film.
Woody Allen
I sued American Apparel because they calculatingly took my name, my likeness and image and used them publicly to promote their business.
Woody Allen
Whosoever loveth wisdom is righteous, but he that keepeth company with fowl is weird.
Woody Allen
People say that death is a part of life and there must be something to it, but I just see it as bad news and I want everybody to stop sugarcoating it.
Woody Allen
Showing up is 80 percent of life.
Woody Allen
Spencer was searching for a woman interested in gold, inorganic chemistry, outdoor sex and the music of Bach. In short, he was looking for himself, only female.
Woody Allen
Life is unresolved, confusing, bewildering, puzzling, ambiguous. You don't really know what's going to happen. The future is uncertain for everybody.
Woody Allen
I can't express anger. I grow a tumor instead.
Woody Allen
How wrong Emily Dickinson was! Hope is not the thing with feathers. The thing with feathers has turned out to be my nephew. I must take him to a specialist in Zurich.
Woody Allen
Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!
Woody Allen
Basically I am a low-culture person. I prefer watching baseball with a beer and some meatballs.
Woody Allen
We live in far too permissive a society. Never before has pornography been this rampant. And those films are so badly lit!
Woody Allen
She had been critical of his new torch song, A Side Order of Heartache, Please, suggesting it could be used as a good way to break in their new paper shredder.
Woody Allen
I never think I feel cynical in general. Cynical is reality with an alternate spelling. I feel there's a gigantic amount of injustice and overt crime every day in the world, from emotional crimes to international crimes, and it often carries rewards.
Woody Allen
God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.
Woody Allen
The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.
Woody Allen
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Woody Allen