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There's nothing wrong with you that a little Prozac and a polo mallet can't cure.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
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Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
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The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
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Mallet
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Prozac
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Witty
More quotes by Woody Allen
I've always believed that thoughtful people don't really take the tabloids seriously. They're basically a form of entertainment. I enjoy them as much as the next New Yorker.
Woody Allen
You can be distracted by your love life, by the baseball game, movies, by the nonsense. Can I get my kid into this private school? Can I get this girl to go out with me Saturday night? Am I going to get the promotion in my office? All this stuff, but in the end the universe burns out. So I think it's completely meaningless.
Woody Allen
God is either cruel or incompetent.
Woody Allen
I write the script nobody sees it, not the people that put the money in the picture. I cast who I want, and make the film. That's why I've always felt the only thing standing between me and greatness, is me. There's no excuse for me not to be great except that I'm not.
Woody Allen
No, I don't think you're paranoid. I think you're the opposite of paranoid. I think you walk around with the insane delusion that people like you.
Woody Allen
Heaven knows, we all make mistakes. That's life - and chess.
Woody Allen
I came home one night, some month ago, and I went to the closet in my bedroom...and a moth ate my sports jacket. He was laying on the floor, nauseous, y'know.
Woody Allen
I've always liked, someday the lamb will lay by the lion.... but it won't get much sleep.
Woody Allen
Every time you make a movie it's a new and different experience. You learn very little from the past. So, I'm a little bit better than I was when I first started.
Woody Allen
He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.
Woody Allen
Some people are funny, and some people are not funny. Many people who are not funny can make a living at it. You don't have to be great to make a living at it. Just like a doctor who doesn't have to be great can still make a living out of it.
Woody Allen
Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.
Woody Allen
I work all the time because it's a great distraction and it keeps me from sitting home and obsessing morbidly.
Woody Allen
The best an idea gets is when its in your head.
Woody Allen
I've had a very productive life. I've worked very hard, I've never fallen prey to depression. I'm not sure I could have done all of that without being in psychoanalysis.
Woody Allen
Where did we come from? Where are we going? Is there possibility of a group discount?
Woody Allen
I like broad comedy. If I had an idea tomorrow for a film that was all slapstick and broad comedy, and it was an idea that interested me, I would not hesitate to do it because I enjoy watching these kinds of film.
Woody Allen
To you I'm an atheist to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
Woody Allen
Many people who get a lot of money are willing to work with me for no money. This is true.
Woody Allen
It has become harder and harder in the United States to make films unhampered by outside influences. I've always been able to steer clear of that and keep the business people out of my hair completely.
Woody Allen
