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There's nothing wrong with you that a little Prozac and a polo mallet can't cure.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
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Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
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More quotes by Woody Allen
When I started out, I was a television writer, and we wrote a television show that was on live every week. And you didn't have the luxury of coming in and waiting to be inspired. You came in and you had to write. And you wrote, because it was going to be live on the air. So I can do that.
Woody Allen
If I could change the structure of existence I would do it. I could see a better way to live for everybody.
Woody Allen
I read in self-defense.
Woody Allen
I call that mind free which jealously guards its intellectual rights and powers, which calls no man master, which does not content itself with a passive or hereditary faith, [and] receives new truth as an angel from Heaven.
Woody Allen
The whole thrust of science and the medical profession is to try and prevent it from happening, to try to prolong life, to keep you from dying, to keep you from getting older, to rejuvenate you. I mean, that's everybody's wish. The fountain of youth is everybody's sought-after thing.
Woody Allen
I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot
Woody Allen
The artist can't give you an answer that's satisfying to the dreadful reality of your existence. So the best you can do is maybe entertain people and refresh them for an hour-and-a-half.
Woody Allen
When I asked my mother where babies came from, she thought I said rabies. She said you get them from being bitten by a dog. The next week, a woman on my block gave birth to triplets... I thought she'd been bitten by a Great Dane.
Woody Allen
If you don't have fun doing the film, then the results of the film will never give you any fun.
Woody Allen
Do I believe in God? I did until Mother's accident. She fell on some meat loaf and it penetrated her spleen.
Woody Allen
My father owned a small piece of land. He carried it with him wherever he went.
Woody Allen
A deranged person is supposed to have the strength of ten men. I have the strength of one small boy... with polio.
Woody Allen
I was in analysis. I was suicidal. As a matter of fact, I would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian and if you kill yourself they make you pay for the sessions you miss.
Woody Allen
To you I'm an atheist to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
Woody Allen
In every generation there are a few people who are authentically funny. The cosmetics change. You may not be able to articulate it, and you may laugh at them and get a certain amount of enjoyment. But when you're asleep at night, and you wake up at 3 in the morning, and you're alone in your bed, you know who's really funny.
Woody Allen
It's a match made in heaven...by a retarded angel.
Woody Allen
Does art imitate life, or does life imitate TV?
Woody Allen
I think Frank Capra was a much craftier filmmaker, a wonderful filmmaker. He had enormous technique, and he knew how to manipulate the public quite brilliantly.
Woody Allen
I feel humor is important for those two reasons: that it is a little bit of refreshment like music, and that women have told me over the years that it is very, very important to them.
Woody Allen
Sex on Twitter can't hurt you - unless you fall off.
Woody Allen
