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One man starving puts a crimp in my evening.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Compassion
Men
Starving
Puts
Evening

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It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one’s hat keeps blowing off.
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I don't want to achieve immortality through my work I want to achieve immortality through not dying. I don't want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen I want to live on in my apartment.
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The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only when it's done right.
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Heaven knows, we all make mistakes. That's life - and chess.
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I'm a nice person! I have healthy life drives and goals! I don't drink, I don't smoke. I would never force myself sexually on a blind person!
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Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.
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I was walking through the woods, thinking about Christ. If He was a carpenter, I wondered what He charged for bookshelves.
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Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.
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My wife and I thought we were in love, but it turned out to be benign
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In a relationship, it is better to be the leaver than the leavee.
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Ninety percent of life is just showing up.
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Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime.
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None of the arts are any good unless you really are great at them.
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Is world peace possible or is the human race too innately aggressive? For instance: Have you ever seen women at a sample sale?
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I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.
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I don't fear death. - I just don't want to be around when it happens.
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My Lord, my Lord! What hath Thou done lately?
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What advice would I give the average homeowner to protect himself against burglars? Well, the first thing is to keep a light on in the house when you go out. It must be at least a sixty-watt bulb anything less and the burglar will ransack the house, out of contempt for the wattage.
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The whole country was tied together by radio. We all experienced the same heroes and comedians and singers. They were giants.
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Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat...college.
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