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Taste my tuna casserole - tell me if I put in too much hot fudge.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Hot
Taste
Tell
Much
Casserole
Casseroles
Fudge
Tuna

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For some reason I've always had an irrational love for New York. There's no reason that you would necessarily like it on paper. It's very expensive.
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Why ruin a good story with the truth?
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Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable with the possible exception of a moose singing 'Embraceable You' in spats.
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Culturally speaking, I was raised in a Jewish household. In addition to the religious side of it, I was taught respect for books and learning and the higher professions like medicine and law and teaching.
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If I had my choice in life I would have had the gifts of Tennessee Williams or Eugene O'Neill. Unfortunately my gifts lie in comedy and so comedy comes fairly easy to me and I occasionally have an idea for a very serious piece and I do it, but the ideas don't come that readily to me.
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I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.
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I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
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If you take a frown and turn it upside down, the person you are holding by the ankles will soon pass out.
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If you're not failing, you're not trying anything.
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Oh, he was probably a member of the National Rifle Association. It was a group that helped criminals get guns so they could shoot citizens. It was a public service.
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The best an idea gets is when its in your head.
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Reality may not be the best of all possible worlds, but it's still the only place where you can get a decent steak.
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What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours.
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And Nietzche, with his theory of eternal recurrence. He said that the life we lived we're going to live over again the exact same way for eternity. Great. That means I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again.
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The audience goes to sleep really quickly! If you have a slight pause at the wrong time, that's it!
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Doing abominations is against the law, particularly if the abominations are done while wearing a lobster bib.
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I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in braille. I used to rub the dirty parts.
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I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
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The great question of philosophy remains: If life is meaningless, what can be done about alphabet soup?
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I can't minimize the terror factor. As you get older you get more and more frightened because the terrible indignities of old age become closer to you.
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