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Taste my tuna casserole - tell me if I put in too much hot fudge.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Taste
Tell
Much
Casserole
Casseroles
Fudge
Tuna
Hot

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I'm very old-fashioned. I believe that people should stay married for life, like pigeons and Catholics.
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Existence for eternity could get a little boring... especially towards the end.
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Let's say there was no terrorism whatsoever and we were all very nice to one another and we were all kind, we still would be faced with an extremely cruel and hostile universe and existence and so I'm a great pessimist and I feel that it's impossible really to be happy, and that the best you can hope for is to be distracted.
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In the event of war, I'm a hostage.
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I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
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I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
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If the world is a progressively realized community of interpretation, then either quadruplictity will drink procrastination or, provided that the nothing negates, boredom will ensue seldom more often than frequently.
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Culturally speaking, I was raised in a Jewish household. In addition to the religious side of it, I was taught respect for books and learning and the higher professions like medicine and law and teaching.
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When I was born my mother was terribly disappointed. Not that she wanted a girl - she wanted a divorce.
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She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak.
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I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in braille. I used to rub the dirty parts.
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A general philosophy of the female characters in my films is they all want something to believe in, and not having anything.
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The audience goes to sleep really quickly! If you have a slight pause at the wrong time, that's it!
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Sentence structure is innate, but whining is acquired.
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Regarding love what can you say? It's not the quantity of your sexual relations that counts. It's the quality. On the other hand if the quantity drops below once every eight months, I would definitely look into it.
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When you travel around the country, you see what a tough town New York is: rude, competitive, a town where good, logical ideas are ignored in favor of unworkable ones. And yet, all these other towns are so dead and boring compared to New York.
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How am I immature? Intellectually, emotionally, and sexually. Yeah, but in what other ways?
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I carry a bullet in my breast pocket. Once, a crazy evangelist threw a bible at me, which would have gone through my heart if it wasn't for the bullet.
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I was the captain of the latent paranoid softball team. We used to play all the neurotics on sunday morning. Nailbiters against the bedwetters, and if you've never seen neurotics play softball, it's really funny. I used to steal second base, and feel guilty and go back.
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People say that death is a part of life and there must be something to it, but I just see it as bad news and I want everybody to stop sugarcoating it.
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