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Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
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Mean
Paranoid
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Doing abominations is against the law, particularly if the abominations are done while wearing a lobster bib.
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I don't fear death. - I just don't want to be around when it happens.
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My grammy never gave gifts, you know. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks.
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I think, on both sides of the camera or the novel: Distraction. I'm obsessed with: Can I get this actress or my third act to work? I'm distracted. I'm interested in that so I don't sit home and think, Gee, life is meaningless. We're all going to die. The universe is pulling apart at breakneck speed.
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Arlene and I have to get a divorce. She thinks I'm a pervert because I drank our water bed.
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I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot
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Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad.
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People make films for different reasons. For money. Or, they make them because something in them demands artistic expression. I do it because I enjoy the work.
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My parents were very Old World. They come from Brooklyn, which is the heart of the Old World. Their values in life are God and carpeting.
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As I got more confident, I was able to let actors improvise, and do long takes. It's 10%, 5% you learn and experience. The rest you just have or you don't have.
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She had been critical of his new torch song, A Side Order of Heartache, Please, suggesting it could be used as a good way to break in their new paper shredder.
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My wife and I thought we were in love, but it turned out to be benign
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I see the glass half full...but of poison.
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I asked the girl if she could bring a sister for me. She did. Sister Maria Teresa. It was a very slow evening. We discussed the New Testament. We agreed that He was very well adjusted for an only child.
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For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something you always have.
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The film studios learned to our dismay but to their pleasure that if they spent $200 million making a film they could make half a billion on it. So they were not interested anymore in quality films... They can't afford to be that risky at those prices. Consequently you're getting a lot of remakes, sequels, dopey comedies full of toilet jokes...
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When you start putting a higher value on works of art than people, you’re forfeiting your humanity.
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If you pursue the other woman, it's a losing situation and it's not good for your relationship or your marriage. If your marriage is open and you're allowed to, that's no good either. There's no way, really in the end, to be happy unless you get very lucky.
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When I'm not working, I think and I think when I get depressed.
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Take the money and run.
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