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Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
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More quotes by Woody Allen

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Showing up is 80 percent of life.
Woody Allen
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Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime.
Woody Allen
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I don't know what I'm doing, but my incompetence has never stopped my enthusiasm.
Woody Allen
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Achilles only had an Achilles heel, I have an entire Achilles body.
Woody Allen
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In the event of war, I'm a hostage.
Woody Allen
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All over the world, relationships between men and women are very, very tricky and very difficult and you don't learn anything. It's not an exact science, so you can't learn anything. You're always going by instinct and your instinct betrays you because you want what you want when you want it.
Woody Allen
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You make films whether they're dramas or comedies about neurotic people. Flawed people. Interesting personality traits. To make them about calm, stable untroubled people isn't interesting.
Woody Allen
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I was raised in a religious home. It was unreasonable enforced religion that turned me off it. It was a joyless, unpleasant, stupid, barbaric thing when I was a child and I've never gotten over that feeling. If you're talking about religion it's one thing I don't hold Jewish religion with any more seriousness than I would any other.
Woody Allen
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Don't think of death as an ending. Think of it as a really effective way of cutting down your expenses.
Woody Allen
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Where did we come from? Where are we going? Is there possibility of a group discount?
Woody Allen
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I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
Woody Allen
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I wish I was writing something much more heavy each time I did a film, and that the comedies just occasionally come out. But unfortunately you're stuck with what you're born with.
Woody Allen
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She had been critical of his new torch song, A Side Order of Heartache, Please, suggesting it could be used as a good way to break in their new paper shredder.
Woody Allen
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Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable with the possible exception of a moose singing 'Embraceable You' in spats.
Woody Allen
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In certain areas I don't function well and in other areas I function very well. I'm very good professionally. I have good discipline, I'm able to write every day and do films and not go six times over the budget. I mean I'm a coherent person, but I also don't like to go through tunnels when I travel. I'm claustrophobic.
Woody Allen
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I got a divorce because my ex-wife left me for another woman.
Woody Allen
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Sex and death. Two things that come but once in my lifetime, but at least after death you're not nauseous.
Woody Allen
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I don't want to achieve immortality through my work I want to achieve immortality through not dying. I don't want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen I want to live on in my apartment.
Woody Allen
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My films are a form of psychoanalysis, except that it is I who am paid, which changes everything.
Woody Allen
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I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
Woody Allen