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If 90% of success in life is showing up, the other 10% depends on what you're showing up for.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Showing
Depends
Goal
Success
Life

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My father worked for the same firm for 12 years. They fired him and replaced him with a tiny gadget that does everything my father does, only much better. The depressing thing is my mother ran out and bought one
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I'm not anti-social. I'm just not social.
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I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.
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Skeptic that I was as an adolescent, I had recently come to believe in a Supreme Being after thumbing through a Victoria's Secret catalogue.
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The most important words in the English language are not 'I love you' but 'it's benign.'
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I don't believe in competition for artistic things. I just like the atmosphere of the Cannes festival. I don't want to win anything or lose anything.
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My mother never had time for me. When you're the middle child in a family of five million, you don't get any attention.
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Sex is better than talk. Ask anybody in this bar. Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex.
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People always ask me, Do you ever think you'll wake up one morning and not be funny? That thought would never occur to me--it's an odd thought and not realistic. Because funny and me are not separate. We're one.
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Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad.
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I do the movies just for myself like an institutionalized person who basket-weaves. Busy fingers are happy fingers. I don't care about the films. I don't care if they're flushed down the toilet after I die.
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I have one last request. Don't use embalming fluid on me I want to be stuffed with crab meat.
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I cannot say for certain that God does not exist I think the worst thing that can be said about him is that he's a bit of an underachiever.
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Isn't all mankind ultimately executed for a crime it never committed?
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All the crap they tell you about... getting joy and having a kind of wisdom in your golden years - it's all tripe.
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Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
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I can levitate birds. No one cares.
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See, I never gain an ounce, because, you know, my anxiety acts like aerobics.
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She had been critical of his new torch song, A Side Order of Heartache, Please, suggesting it could be used as a good way to break in their new paper shredder.
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In 1940 I was just turning 5 years old and being taken to the movies. For those of us who were not old enough to understand the horror of war it was a very romantic era because these guys were kissing their wives and girlfriends goodbye and going off to fight and become heroes.
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