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If 90% of success in life is showing up, the other 10% depends on what you're showing up for.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Showing
Depends
Goal
Success
Life
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Change is almost always negative. Things degenerate.
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I was a nervous child, I was a bedwetter. I used to sleep with an electric blanket and I was constantly electrocuting myself.
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But it was I - yes I - who discovered the link between excessive masturbation and entry into politics!
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That’s one of the nice things about writing, or any art if the thing’s real, it just lives.
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In fact, when they wake up in the morning, they're Jack Nicholson or Robert De Niro or Josh Brolin. And it's built-in, but they think it's all this other stuff. But it's not. They'd be great if they didn't think about their part or if they did think about it.
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Last year I had difficulty with my income tax. I tried to take my analyst off as a business deduction. The Government said it was entertainment. We compromised finally and made it a religious contribution.
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I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you take two negative points?
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If you're not failing, you're not trying anything.
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To you I'm an atheist to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
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Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have you declared legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.
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Eighty percent of success is showing up.
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I've gained no wisdom, no insight, no mellowing. I would make all the same mistakes again, today.
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This stuff tastes awful I could have made a fortune selling it in my health-food store.
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Then Job fell to his knees and cried to the Lord, Thine is the kingdom and the power and glory. Thou hast a good job. Don't blow it.
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There are three rings involved with marriage. The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.
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Those modern analysts, they charge so much! In my day, for five marks Freud himself would treat you. For ten marks he would treat you and press your pants. For fifteen marks Freud would let you treat him - that included a choice of any two vegetables.
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And Nietzche, with his theory of eternal recurrence. He said that the life we lived we're going to live over again the exact same way for eternity. Great. That means I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again.
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How does gravity work? And if it were to cease suddenly, would certain restaurants still require a jacket?
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