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Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the meal seriously.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
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The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Take
Meal
Sometimes
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Meals
Joke
Seriously
Dinner
Jokes
Sex
More quotes by Woody Allen
My mother never had time for me. When you're the middle child in a family of five million, you don't get any attention.
Woody Allen
You can be distracted by your love life, by the baseball game, movies, by the nonsense. Can I get my kid into this private school? Can I get this girl to go out with me Saturday night? Am I going to get the promotion in my office? All this stuff, but in the end the universe burns out. So I think it's completely meaningless.
Woody Allen
There's no point in looking back, because there's nothing you can really do to improve the film. You can only aggravate and wish you had done stuff better.
Woody Allen
I do feel it's important to have some kind of faith in something, but [it is] impossible for many of us. I personally don't have any faith in anything, but it's great if you can.
Woody Allen
When I was born my mother was terribly disappointed. Not that she wanted a girl - she wanted a divorce.
Woody Allen
But what if everyone in the world behaved like me and came here and shot Brisseau through the ear? What a mess! And of course we'd need valet parking.
Woody Allen
When you travel around the country, you see what a tough town New York is: rude, competitive, a town where good, logical ideas are ignored in favor of unworkable ones. And yet, all these other towns are so dead and boring compared to New York.
Woody Allen
I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
Woody Allen
And my parents finally realize I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They rent out my room.
Woody Allen
Boy, the food at this place is really terrible. The other one says, Yeah, I know and such small portions. Well, that's essentially how I feel about life - full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly.
Woody Allen
I never knew what Amazon was. I've never seen any of those series, even on cable. I've never seen The Sopranos, or Mad Men. I'm out every night and when I come home, I watch the end of the baseball or basketball game, and there's Charlie Rose and I go to sleep.
Woody Allen
I don't want to live forever through my work. I want to live forever by not dying.
Woody Allen
After 60, all of us belong to the weaker sex.
Woody Allen
I'm twelve years old. I run into a synagogue. I ask the rabbi the meaning of life. He tells me the meaning of life but he tells it to me in Hebrew. I don't understand Hebrew. Then he wants to charge me $600 for Hebrew lessons.
Woody Allen
Oh, he was probably a member of the National Rifle Association. It was a group that helped criminals get guns so they could shoot citizens. It was a public service.
Woody Allen
I am not afraid of death. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen
There have been times when I've thought about it - but with my luck it would probably turn out to be only a temporary solution.
Woody Allen
All over the world, relationships between men and women are very, very tricky and very difficult and you don't learn anything. It's not an exact science, so you can't learn anything. You're always going by instinct and your instinct betrays you because you want what you want when you want it.
Woody Allen
My ex-wife was a philosophy major at NYU. Yeah, she and I used to have deep philosophical discussions where she would prove that I didn't exist.
Woody Allen
Heaven knows, we all make mistakes. That's life - and chess.
Woody Allen
