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I should have known something was wrong with my first wife. When I brought her home to meet my parents, they approved of her.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Wrong
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More quotes by Woody Allen
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
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I was a smart kid and I was not understood by my parents.
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I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
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My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
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I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go down and meet them with baseball bats. (On the KKK)
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Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.
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I'm so excited-I think today I'm going to brush all my teeth.
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Curiosity, that's what kills us. Not muggers or all that bullshit about the ozone layer. It's our own hearts and minds.
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In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.
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If I could only see one miracle, just one miracle. Like a burning bush, or the seas part, or my uncle Sasha pick up a check.
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To be a film director is not a democracy, it's really a tyranny. You're the head of the project, for better rather than worse. I write the film and I direct the film, I decide who's going to be in it, I decide on the editing, I put in the music from my own record collection.
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When you travel around the country, you see what a tough town New York is: rude, competitive, a town where good, logical ideas are ignored in favor of unworkable ones. And yet, all these other towns are so dead and boring compared to New York.
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My wife and I thought we were in love, but it turned out to be benign
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People always ask me, Do you ever think you'll wake up one morning and not be funny? That thought would never occur to me--it's an odd thought and not realistic. Because funny and me are not separate. We're one.
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Those who can't do, teach. And those who can't teach, teach gym.
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I have a great admiration for English actors and actresses and have used them at every opportunity over the years, but now I won't have to import them to New York.
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The key point about a demonstration is that it must be seen. Hence the term demonstration. If a person demonstrates privately in his own home, this is not technically a demonstration but merely acting silly or behaving like an ass.
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People always tease me. They say, look at you, you went for so much psychoanalysis and you're so neurotic, you wind up marrying a girl so much younger than you.
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In a relationship, it is better to be the leaver than the leavee.
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Nothing like a little post-traumatic stress disorder to make your day complete.
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