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The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Looks
Children
Like
Robinson
Edward
Baby
Fine
Problem

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I have one last request. Don't use embalming fluid on me I want to be stuffed with crab meat.
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I wish my parents had raised me in Manhattan because I think it's the greatest thing you can do for a kid is to raise them in New York City. I can see this with my own children.
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In real life, Keaton believes in God. But she also believes that the radio works because there are tiny people inside it.
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See, I never gain an ounce, because, you know, my anxiety acts like aerobics.
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Umlaut snaps around and we cut to a blond apparition in her early twenties, clearly descended from Olympus by way of Hugh Hefner's mansion.
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I loathed every day and regret every moment I spent in a school.
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When you travel around the country, you see what a tough town New York is: rude, competitive, a town where good, logical ideas are ignored in favor of unworkable ones. And yet, all these other towns are so dead and boring compared to New York.
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Let's say there was no terrorism whatsoever and we were all very nice to one another and we were all kind, we still would be faced with an extremely cruel and hostile universe and existence and so I'm a great pessimist and I feel that it's impossible really to be happy, and that the best you can hope for is to be distracted.
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The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.
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I've always been interested in being in other people's movies. I never get any offers.
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I said this to my daughter, if you don't practice the guitar, when you get older you wouldn't be able to play it. It's that simple. If you want to play the guitar, you put a half hour in everyday, but you have to do it.
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It's very hard to keep your spirits up. You've got to keep selling yourself a bill of goods, and some people are better at lying to themselves than others. If you face reality too much, it kills you.... you've got to find an answer to the question: Why go on?
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I sued American Apparel because they calculatingly took my name, my likeness and image and used them publicly to promote their business.
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If you can delude yourself by believing that there is some kind of Santa Claus out there who is going to bail you out in the end, then it will help you get through. Even if you are proven wrong in the end, you would have had a better life than a non-believer.
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Who's the bigger idiot, the idiot or the idiot who gets fooled by the idiot?
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What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?
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It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
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Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down.
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