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I didn't know he was dead I thought he was British.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Dead
Funny
Didn
Thought
British

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Eighty percent of success is showing up.
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I believe people ought to mate for life...like pigeons or Catholics.
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Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!
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Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
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Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
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Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
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When the Academy called, I panicked. I thought they might want their Oscars back and the pawn shop has been out of business for a while.
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Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle.
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Honey, there's a spider in your bathroom the size of a Buick.
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Notes for a ballet, The Spell: ... Suddenly Sigmund hears the flutter of wings, and a group of wild swans flies across the moon ... Sigmund is astounded to see that their leader is part swan and part woman - unfortunately, divided lengthwise. She enchants Sigmund, who is careful not to make any poultry jokes.
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None of the arts are any good unless you really are great at them.
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I'm not a big believer in the sense of Jews having a monopoly on comedy.
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Those who can't do, teach!
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I'm short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.
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History is the same thing over and over again.
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Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
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The Jewish culture - people that are Jewish have a certain cultural habit that they've formed and one of those habits is an appreciation of theater and music - these are cultural things one does associate with values that are promulgated by Jewish families. I think that's a good thing.
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When I was young, I wanted to be a dramatic writer, a writer of tragedy. Nothing would've pleased me more than if I could have written like Eugene O'Neil or Tennessee Williams.
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Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.
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I got a divorce because my ex-wife left me for another woman.
Woody Allen