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Eternity is really long, especially near the end.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Ends
Long
Really
Hilarious
Near
Eternity
Especially
Funny

More quotes by Woody Allen

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Life is horrible, but it is not relentlessly black from wire to wire. You can sit down and hear a Mozart symphony, or you can watch the Marx Brothers, and this will give you a pleasant escape for a while. And that is about the best that you can do.
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Sylvia Plath. Interesting poetess whose tragic suicide was misinterpreted as romantic by the college-girl mentality.
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I don't wanna live on in my work. I wanna live on in my apartment.
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I'm not a big believer in the sense of Jews having a monopoly on comedy.
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I never think I feel cynical in general. Cynical is reality with an alternate spelling. I feel there's a gigantic amount of injustice and overt crime every day in the world, from emotional crimes to international crimes, and it often carries rewards.
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Everyone wants to get out of living where they're living now, because life is a pretty tough proposition and not much fun. But when you think back to earlier times, you only extrapolate the nice things.
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The best an idea gets is when its in your head.
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My films are a form of psychoanalysis, except that it is I who am paid, which changes everything.
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I'm trying to arrange my life so I don't have to be present.
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Abysmal vermin that I am, I couldn't of course tell her that it was her incredible mother that I wanted to see again… I knew only as I drove through the cold, night autumn air that somewhere Freud, Sophocles and Eugene O’Neill were laughing.
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I am told the settlement of $5 million I am being paid is the largest amount ever paid under the New York right to privacy law
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Life is a tragedy filled with suffering and despair and yet some people do manage to avoid jury duty.
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I'm a nice person! I have healthy life drives and goals! I don't drink, I don't smoke. I would never force myself sexually on a blind person!
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I don't know enough to be incompetent.
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Geez, I should stop ruining my life searching for answers I'm never gonna get, and just enjoy it while it lasts.
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Chastity is curable, if detected early.
Woody Allen
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I keep getting more and more ambitious. Over the years, to some degree, in some areas, I feel I've grown. In some areas, I made a fool of myself. In some areas, I think I can still do some funny things.
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Honey, you're the one who stopped sleeping with me, OK? It'll be a year come April 20th. I remember the date exactly, because it was Hitler's birthday
Woody Allen
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My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.
Woody Allen
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There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open?
Woody Allen