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What I do know about physics is that to a man standing on the shore, time passes quicker than to a man on a boat - especially if the man on the boat is with his wife.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Standing
Especially
Wife
Funny
Quicker
Men
Passes
Time
Shore
Boat
Physics

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Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful provided you get between the right man and the right woman.
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I never knew what Amazon was. I've never seen any of those series, even on cable. I've never seen The Sopranos, or Mad Men. I'm out every night and when I come home, I watch the end of the baseball or basketball game, and there's Charlie Rose and I go to sleep.
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I don't like to reminisce much, and my walls don't have photographs of me and the actors I was with, or any of that stuff... I try and keep that disciplined, and just work. There are so many traps you can get into, and looking back on your own work is certainly one of them.
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Drama, it would be as if you wrote some poetry. You'd run the risk of being embarrassed if people read it, because you're pouring your heart out and you're not mitigating it with any humor or anything.
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There's no way to prove that there is no God. You just have to take it on faith.
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As a boy, I was ashamed to wear glasses. I memorized the eye chart, and then on the test they asked essay questions.
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Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad.
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Every hooker I ever speak to tells me that it beats the hell out of waitressing.
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Life is a concentration camp. You're stuck here and there's no way out and you can only rage impotently against your persecutors.
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All over the world, relationships between men and women are very, very tricky and very difficult and you don't learn anything. It's not an exact science, so you can't learn anything. You're always going by instinct and your instinct betrays you because you want what you want when you want it.
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I don't want to live forever through my work. I want to live forever by not dying.
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Reality may not be the best of all possible worlds, but it's still the only place where you can get a decent steak.
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I don't believe in competition for artistic things. I just like the atmosphere of the Cannes festival. I don't want to win anything or lose anything.
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What is it about death that bothers me? Probably the hours.
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I'm at the stage of life when if a girl says no to me I'm profoundly grateful to her.
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I'm in show business. I'm not like a poor factory worker who'd been laid off.
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