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I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Happier
Hated
Feelings
Become
Persons
Person
Always

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I usually want to crawl into the ground after I make a film, almost invariably.
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My success has allowed me to strike out with a higher class of women.
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Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime.
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I carry a bullet in my breast pocket. Once, a crazy evangelist threw a bible at me, which would have gone through my heart if it wasn't for the bullet.
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In fact, when they wake up in the morning, they're Jack Nicholson or Robert De Niro or Josh Brolin. And it's built-in, but they think it's all this other stuff. But it's not. They'd be great if they didn't think about their part or if they did think about it.
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The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last year.
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Talent is luck. The important thing in life is courage.
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You know what my philosophy of life is? That it’s important to have some laughs, but you got to suffer a little too, because otherwise you miss the whole point to life.
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I've never dated a fictional character before. The closest I ever came was an Italian.
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I got a divorce because my ex-wife left me for another woman.
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Umlaut snaps around and we cut to a blond apparition in her early twenties, clearly descended from Olympus by way of Hugh Hefner's mansion.
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There are two important things in the world, the first is sex. The other isn't all that important.
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There are three things Jewish people worship-God, Chinese food and wall-to-wall carpeting.
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I've had a very productive life. I've worked very hard, I've never fallen prey to depression. I'm not sure I could have done all of that without being in psychoanalysis.
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