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I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Person
Always
Happier
Hated
Feelings
Become
Persons

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Your audience teaches you how to be funny.
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I'm very old-fashioned. I believe that people should stay married for life, like pigeons and Catholics.
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When we lose twenty pounds... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty.
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Those modern analysts, they charge so much! In my day, for five marks Freud himself would treat you. For ten marks he would treat you and press your pants. For fifteen marks Freud would let you treat him - that included a choice of any two vegetables.
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The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only when it's done right.
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I heard that Commentary and Dissent had merged and formed Dysenery.
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