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I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Always
Happier
Hated
Feelings
Become
Persons
Person
More quotes by Woody Allen
Is old age really so terrible? Not if you've brushed your teeth faithfully.
Woody Allen
The whole thrust of science and the medical profession is to try and prevent it from happening, to try to prolong life, to keep you from dying, to keep you from getting older, to rejuvenate you. I mean, that's everybody's wish. The fountain of youth is everybody's sought-after thing.
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My Lord, my Lord! What hath Thou done lately?
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One man starving puts a crimp in my evening.
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Don't think of death as an ending. Think of it as a really effective way of cutting down your expenses.
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You mellow too much you ripen and rot.
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I spend a lot of time idly. I go to sporting events, play my clarinet. I practise. But if you work every day, a certain amount on a steady basis, the work accumulates.
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I'm not a drinker, my body won't tolerate...eh...spirits, really. I had two martinis New Years Eve and I tried to hi-jack an elevator and fly it to Cuba.
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I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
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I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.
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Why not? Life is short, life is dull, life is full of pain - and this is a chance for something special.
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I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
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They were doing the Dying Swan at the ballet. And there was a rumor that some bookmarkers had drifted into town from upstate New York and that they had fixed the bullet. There was a lot of money bet on the swan to live.
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Sentence structure is innate, but whining is acquired.
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I carry a bullet in my breast pocket. Once, a crazy evangelist threw a bible at me, which would have gone through my heart if it wasn't for the bullet.
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No matter what the shrinks, or the pundits, or the self-help books tell you, when it comes to love, it's luck.
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I can't understand why more people aren't bisexual. It would double your chances for a date on Saturday night.
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I think that the tendency for most people is to fall back on a comic interpretation of things because things are so sad, so terrible. If you didn't laugh you'd kill yourself. But the truth of the matter is that existence in general is very very tragic, very very sad, very brutal and very unhappy.
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Cynicism is reality with an alternate spelling.
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I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you take two negative points?
Woody Allen