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I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you take two negative points?
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Take
Negative
Think
Smart
Thinking
Positive
Leave
Point
Funny
Wish
Points
Two
Clever
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I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
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If man were immortal, do you realize what his meat bills would be?
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There is no justice, there is no rational structure to it [life]. That is just the way it is, and each person figures out some way to cope.
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A stockbroker is someone who invests other people's money until it is all gone.
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If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.
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Some women feel power is important, some women feel that looks are important, tenderness, intelligence...but sense of humor seems to permeate all of them.
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Life is horrible, but it is not relentlessly black from wire to wire. You can sit down and hear a Mozart symphony, or you can watch the Marx Brothers, and this will give you a pleasant escape for a while. And that is about the best that you can do.
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If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
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Tradition is the illusion of permanance.
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I learned a few things on my own since, and modified some of the things he taught me, but everything, unequivocally, that I learned about comedy writing I learned from Danny Simon.
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You can't ride two horses with one behind.
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I can't do anything to death, doctor's orders.
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Honey, there's a spider in your bathroom the size of a Buick.
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I know of only six genuine comic geniuses in movie history Charlie Chaplin, Buster Keaton, Groucho Marx & Harpo Marx, Peter Sellers, and W.C. Fields.
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You can be distracted by your love life, by the baseball game, movies, by the nonsense. Can I get my kid into this private school? Can I get this girl to go out with me Saturday night? Am I going to get the promotion in my office? All this stuff, but in the end the universe burns out. So I think it's completely meaningless.
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Once munching has begun, Schopenhauer held, the human will cannot resist further munching, and the result is a universe with crumbs over everything.
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I can't express anger. I grow a tumor instead.
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Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
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For some reason I'm more appreciated in France than I am back home. The subtitles must be incredibly good.
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Sentence structure is innate, but whining is acquired.
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